Vegas For Boring People

Yeah, so it’s hot in Vegas in June. Who knew? Well, I’m sure someone knew and it’s not so difficult to figure it out, seeing as though it’s a friggin’ DESERT. But damn. Hot. I went to Vegas with some of the people I met on my Habitat trip last year. One of them lives there so we decided to rendevous. I’m starting to wonder about our trip-planning skills as a group, really. Our last rendevous was in New York in friggin’ January at a time when native New Yorkers were saying, “Man, it’s really cold.” Then this time we decide to go to a desert in June, when 108 degrees is the norm. And next time I’ll see some of them? In a couple weeks in Louisiana. You know, it’s hurricane season, so we thought, why not plan another trip. Brilliant. If you know of any other extreme weather conditions that we might want to check out, don’t hesitate to recommend them.

I will now share some pics. Unfortunately for you you read the blog of a very boring person. Example: My roommate and I both left for the weekend. She was going to a podunk town in the middle of nowhere that is known primarily for its farming. I was going to Las Vegas. I said, “Stay out of trouble.” She said, “Me? What about you? You’re going to Vegas, I think you’ll find more trouble than me.” To which I replied, “You in hicksville are guaranteed to have a crazier weekend than me in Vegas.” To which she replied, “That’s true.”

And it is. The only thing “Vegas” about me is my love for theater, and Vegas is nothing if not showy. There are people dressed like flamingos, people in 10 inch heels, half naked people. And then there are some women there as well. Ha! I funny. So basically the craziest thing I did in Vegas was see two big shows with extremely well-toned bald men and leotarded women. I know. I’m just that nuts.

So here are some pics. I’m sorry I’m so boring. Too bad I didn’t have a blog about 10 years ago, the pictures were much better back then.

This was in some video arcade in New York, New York, you have to walk through it to get to the Chin Chin in New York New York, and I thought it was funny so I stopped to take a picture. Remember when we used to win things like stuffed animals in video arcades? Now kids are going for GPS devices? This seems wrong somehow. Sorry about the blurriness, I heart digital cameras.

And speaking of Chin Chin, what the hell is it doing in the New York New York hotel? Chin Chin is my FAVORITE “Chinese” restaurant in LA. I put Chinese in quotes, cause let’s be honest, there is very little about Chin Chin that is Chinese, but I do enjoy it so. So I love that I can eat it in Vegas. Yet, I still don’t know what it’s doing in Vegas. The back of the menu shows the locations, Brentwood, West Hollywood, Marina Del Ray, Van Nuys and Las Vegas New York New York Hotel. Maybe the hotel planners dug that the restaurant had a repeating name too? The only thing I know for sure? They have kick ass Chinese Chicken Salad.

A fountain of chocolate. There are no other words needed.

A bunch of desserts. Near the fountain of chocolate. Making it one of the best couple of feet I’ve ever seen.


The dessert I picked. Cheesecake with white chocolate over it.


The dessert I picked after it sat in the car. The white chocolate didn’t fare so well.


Flowers in water.


Screw the jackpots! Give us gas! That’s like gold!


This is the classiest place I’ve ever been.


Evidence of class.


A big head coming out of water at the Wynn. I heart the randomness of Vegas the most.


Do you see the signs? Do you see that one is a handicapped parking sign? Do you see that the other one is a sign for expectant mothers and mothers with infants? Do you see how the mothers get to be closer to the store than the handicapped people? Does this seem right?


Technology. “Outlast technology helps keep the heat of your hand away from the beer, so it stays colder longer...the same high-tech insulator developed for space travel.” Wow. I don’t know if it’s more alarming that beer labels now have technology or that the poor astronauts are supposed to be protected by the same crap that is keeping my beer cold...


Remember when Vegas went through that phase when it wanted to be family friendly and not so skanky? Yeah, well, that phase, like any phase that is out of character, has passed. Remember the pirate show at Treasure Island, with like I don’t know, pirates and stuff? Yeah, they are all skanky women now. Ahhh, class.


Here are pics of one of the shows I saw. There was a lot of water. And muscular bald men. And then more water. And some music. It was pretty cool.


See the circle? All around that and in the middle of that is water, that is where the bald muscular men come and go from.


See the hole in the ceiling? It rains from there. And some of the bald men fly down. It’s all very artsy and cool and muscular.

This one is called La Reve, I think. I saw Ka too, but wasn’t too terribly impressed. I’ll go into greater detail at some other time, but if you are going to call something Cirque du Soleil you damn well better have some people flipping and landing on each other’s sholders. I’m all for music and expression and artistry. But I’m gonna need some unbelievable feats of human flexibility to go along with it. Thank you.