I’m thinking that Maury puts up requests like these but for some reason the ONLY people who call in are women who are uncertain of the paternity of their children and/or women who have 200 pound 5 month old children. Cause those are the ONLY guests that are EVER on this show. Every night I watch Letterman and every night there is a “next time on Maury” commercial. And EVERY time it’s some guy saying, “No, that’s not my baby.” Or, “Yeah huh, that is my baby.” Or, “Damn, that’s a big baby.”
Now, I realize that Maury has been on the since the Mayflower landed, and I understand that it’s hard to come up with new show ideas all the time. But it seems as though Maury just isn’t even trying anymore. He seems to be completely resigned to the fact that he has become the go-to guy for figuring out baby daddies. “Doctor, I have a very sick child.” “You should go to Shriner’s, they are the best.” “Doctor, I have cancer.” “You should go to Cedars Sinai, they are the best.” “Doctor, I don’t know who the father of my baby is.” “Go to Maury, he’s the best.”
My favorite Maury commercial is the one they ran right before the new season was about to start. Maury is walking down a softly lit, friendly neighborhood street while smiling and giving passersby high-fives and hugs. I think he even stops at one of their porches to chat and laugh exuberantly at “unknown, but universally funny and non-offensive” joke. I love this commercial. Who does Maury think he’s kidding? He gives paternity tests and traipses oversized children across his stage 5 days a week. The only thing Maury could possibly laughing about is if one of the porch people is saying, “Remember back when you had a career that didn’t require women to pee on a stick? Ah, those were good times.”
Unfortunately I don’t think we’ve see the Maury’s low point yet. I’m waiting for the show where Steadman is hitting Dr. Phil over the head with a chair because his kid with Oprah now weighs 100 pounds and has a funny looking mustache and receding hairline.