As you know, when I’m not planning my burst onto the literary scene, I busy myself (and fund cross-country dream-chasing adventures) with my freelance graphic design. Because dream-chasing ain’t exactly cheap, I’ve been on the lookout for any and all freelance work.
Today I found an ad on Craigslist with the heading “Multimedia Illustrator”. When I opened the ad it says: “California Needs You! The Army National Guard needs Graphic Designers and Video Editors!”
This is HILL-larious.
Really? The army needs me to DESIGN things? Really?
I dropped an e-mail to the guy that posted the ad, just for fun. I was so looking forward to how he was going to convince me that I would TOTALLY be doing graphic design if I enlisted in the army, and I TOTALLY wouldn’t be sent over to Iraq because we are running out of soldiers to send and the president kinda wants to send a bunch more.
This is the e-mail I got back:
“The position may be available when you actually join the Army National Guard.
You go to Basic Training, then to the school for a couple of months or more - you are then an Army soldier but, you only serve after that one weekend a month and two weeks a year.
There are a lot of great jobs, including the Multimedia Illustrator”
Me thinks that joining anything with the word ARMY in the title during WARTIME on the HOPE of getting a GRAPHIC DESIGN job might not be the most sound career plan.
Of course this is coming from a girl who is taking off two months to travel the countryside trying to save the world and sell books. So I don’t know that I’m really the one to bounce solid plans off of.
I mean, maybe I’m not thinking of all the benefits. There are many, my recruiter guy told me all about them:
*Sign on Bonuses Up To $20,000* (Wow! This would be AWESOME! These people must really want some graphic designers.)
*Monthly Paycheck* (I already have one of these, and it doesn’t involve me getting shot at hardly at all.)
*Over 150 Great Jobs to choose from* (Really? How many different ways can you name the job title “Person Who Shoots At Insurgents”?)
*Security Clearance if U.S. Citizen* (I don’t know why I would need clearance to make things pretty.)
*$400,000 Life Insurance* (Hmmm. Graphic Design very rarely carries the possibility of death, so not many other jobs have offered me Life Insurance.)
*Tax free grocery shopping at local Military Bases* (Tax free grocery shopping? Wow! Those taxes in Iraq are a real pain in the ass. All I have to do is shoot a few people to avoid them? Sign me up!)
If the book tour doesn’t work out I’ll give these guys a call, “Wait, why am I doing push-ups and getting weapons training for a graphic design job?”
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
A Story
I use what is called stock photography for a lot of my design work.
This is photography that is on a website and is available for download by people such as myself who make things pretty and need pretty pictures to help them.
I go to my photo website and I search for the particular photos I need by typing in one or two words that describes what I’m looking for.
One of the sites I use has very risque pictures that always seem to find a way into my selection of photos.
It’s not like I’m searching for “boobs”.
Yet, somehow at least one picture of a naked woman pops up with every search.
For example, the other day I searched for “cord”.
Which seems innocent enough.
One of the pictures that popped up was a naked woman standing in the desert with a her hands covering her southern lady parts (her northern parts were being left unattended).
Oh, and she had a vacuum cleaner next to her with its cord wrapped around her leg.
Some call this confusing, others call this art.
I have gotten used to the random naked people who pop up when I am searching for innocent, politically correct photos, but some other people wonder why it is that I have naked people on my screen so often.
This amuses me.
The other night I was working late and I was looking for a close-up of a siren, for a piece about firemen or something.
When you search for “siren” about 90% of the pictures that come up are naked women - as in va va voom siren, I’m guessing.
I downloaded the siren I was actually looking for, then I went on with my work.
A client came in later that evening, in a frenzy because she needed a word changed on something that we had made pretty.
She sat down beside me and guided me through the difficult task of changing that word.
After we were done she continued to sit beside me and stare at the screen.
In an effort to indicate that we were done, I minimized my design program.
And below my design program?
My search for sirens.
The client didn’t say anything specifically about the 25 naked women (and two red sirens) on my screen.
But she did finally get her cue to leave.
Happy Friday everyone.
This is photography that is on a website and is available for download by people such as myself who make things pretty and need pretty pictures to help them.
I go to my photo website and I search for the particular photos I need by typing in one or two words that describes what I’m looking for.
One of the sites I use has very risque pictures that always seem to find a way into my selection of photos.
It’s not like I’m searching for “boobs”.
Yet, somehow at least one picture of a naked woman pops up with every search.
For example, the other day I searched for “cord”.
Which seems innocent enough.
One of the pictures that popped up was a naked woman standing in the desert with a her hands covering her southern lady parts (her northern parts were being left unattended).
Oh, and she had a vacuum cleaner next to her with its cord wrapped around her leg.
Some call this confusing, others call this art.
I have gotten used to the random naked people who pop up when I am searching for innocent, politically correct photos, but some other people wonder why it is that I have naked people on my screen so often.
This amuses me.
The other night I was working late and I was looking for a close-up of a siren, for a piece about firemen or something.
When you search for “siren” about 90% of the pictures that come up are naked women - as in va va voom siren, I’m guessing.
I downloaded the siren I was actually looking for, then I went on with my work.
A client came in later that evening, in a frenzy because she needed a word changed on something that we had made pretty.
She sat down beside me and guided me through the difficult task of changing that word.
After we were done she continued to sit beside me and stare at the screen.
In an effort to indicate that we were done, I minimized my design program.
And below my design program?
My search for sirens.
The client didn’t say anything specifically about the 25 naked women (and two red sirens) on my screen.
But she did finally get her cue to leave.
Happy Friday everyone.
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