Medicine for Dummies

It’s only like 12:30, but I gotta go to bed pretty soon. Tomorrow I have to get up and go to a doctor’s appointment at some ungodly hour. It ain’t right I tell you. Why exactly do they only do knee x-ray’s at 8 a.m.? And why do I keep making these appointments thinking that I might actually get out of bed and make it to one? Tomorrow could be the day. We shall see.

I really have to go get my damn knee checked out because it is not normal to not be able to go up or down stairs without pain and to not be able to run more than one mile without it feeling like someone is stabbing you in the knee with a knife. But it’s also not normal to get up at 7 a.m., so it seems to me as though this doctor’s appointment is already causing more problems than it is solving.

I do so hope my doctor’s appointment tomorrow goes as well as the one last week. Cause that one was awesome.

I went in because I’ve been dizzy for over a year. And, again, I don’t think this is normal. Whenever I move my head at all, AT ALL, I get dizzy. It is tons of fun. Driving? So much fun. Anything besides laying down? Dizzypalooza. My regular doctor thought that this might have something to do with my inner ear, because my ears are so jacked up and why not blame another problem on them. So I go into the ear, nose and throat doctor and she proceeds to tell me that I probably need an appointment with another doctor, but in the meantime I should do these exercises to help strengthen my neck and head, or something.

These are some of the actual exercises:

Eye Exercise: Looking up, then down - at first slowly, then quickly 20 times. Looking from one side to other - at first slowly and then quickly, 20 times.

(Uh, this isn’t helping the dizziness)

Head Exercises: Bend head forward-then backward with eyes open-slowly, then quickly 20 times. Turn head from one side to other side - slowly, then quickly 20 times. As dizziness improves, these head exercises should be done with eyes closed.

(Really. Did I mention that I get dizzy WHENEVER I move my head?)

Standing: Change from sitting to standing and back again, 20 times, with eyes open. Repeat with eyes closed. Throw a small rubber ball from hand to hand above eye level. Throw ball from hand to hand under one knee.

(Yeah, cause standing up doesn’t make me lightheaded at all, let’s go ahead and do it 20 times in a row.)

Moving About: Walk across room with eyes open, then closed, 10 times. Walk up and down a slope with eyes open, then closed, 20 times. Walk up and down steps with eyes open, then closed, 20 times. Any game involved stooping or turning is good.

(A slope? Where exactly does one find a slope? And a slope that I am comfortable walking up and down with my eyes closed?)

Do you know how many years of medicine was studying by the people who wrote the above suggestions for helping me get rid of my dizziness? I always knew school was overrated. “I have an idea! How about we try to cure dizziness by having the patient do EVERYTHING that makes them dizzy! Maybe this will scare the dizzy right out of them, or maybe they will become so incredibly dizzy that their normal state of dizziness will seem mild and completely okay in comparison!”

Tomorrow I’m hoping to come home with a sheet of paper that recommends repeatedly hitting my kneecap with a hammer in order to make it feel better. I’ll let you know how it goes.