True Colors

So my friend and I went to the True Colors concert the other night in Berkeley, CA. It is the big gay concert that has been touring around the country. A friend of mine from work had wanted to go, but then he had to bail at the last minute. Down a gay I called my friend Heather and she filled in. Although she is straight she did a fine job.

We had lawn tickets for the concert, which took place at the Greek Theater that, living up to its very name, is designed like a Greek Theater. Who knew the Greeks’ lawns were at 90 degree angles? I must have missed that part of history class. Before I left for the concert I went by Tar-jay to pick up some chairs for the lawn. I was looking for those chairs you put on stadium bleachers when you are surrounded by men who can’t get enough of watching men tackle each other. The True Colors concert was sure to offer the same type of crowd, so I thought the chairs would be equally as useful.

The woman at Tar-jay didn’t go to football games or gay concerts, so she had no idea what I was talking about. Instead she lead me to the aisle that has chairs for people who need special chairs for playing video games. I guess you need to be closer to the ground when you play video games? Who knows. All I know is that I found the most kick ass chairs EVER in this aisle. They sit on the ground, and they are padded, and their backs are adjustable. They are awesome.

Oh, I did I mention they had rockers on the bottom of them? Yeah. And did I mention exactly how steep the hill is in the lawn seats at the Greek Theater? Yeah. This meant we were sitting on these (fantastic) chairs that were one wrong move away from becoming (fantastic) sleds. It was an adventure to say the least. And the damn lesbians behind us weren’t helping our cause by piling all their crap up against our chairs. Did they not see that our poor thigh muscles were straining to keep us from flying into the more expensive section of the theater? Apparently not.

Overall the concert was good. It was 4 friggin hours long. That is a lot of concert. Especially when your thigh muscles are getting weak. But they did a good job changing the bands out pretty quickly with Margaret Cho doing stand-up while the stage was being prepped between bands. And in pleasant surprise category Cyndi Lauper did an amazing job. Who knew? She can actually sing. And has a great stage presence. Debbie Harry, on the other hand, who used to be with Blondie, is now just with herself and she seems to think that dancing like my mother at a wedding is an appropriate form of choreography for a rock star. Note to Debbie Harry: It is not. Note to Mom: Debbie Harry is looking for back-up dancers.

And because this was a gay concert, can I just point out some things that you will only find at a gay concert?

1. Me saying, “I wish there were big screens on the sides so we could get a better view.”
Heather saying, “Yeah, I’d really like to know if Margaret Cho just made out with a girl or a boy up on stage.”

2. The people around us came with 4 course meals, from Whole Foods. We aren’t just talking little snacks, we are talking full-on spreads of food. We’ve got cheese and crackers (expensive cheese), olive (fancy olives), some sort of salmon, spreads for the crackers, grapes, soup, pasta, fancy sandwiches, wine, mixed drinks...and on and on. Heather pointed out that some of the people with this food were not gay. I pointed out that the act of bringing a 4 star meal to a concert is gay, whether or not the people are straight.

3. The men in the audience are 50% more attractive than the women. And that is because they worked 100% harder at maintaining their beauty.

4. The line for the men’s room? Twice as long as the line for the women’s room.

5. And the end of the concert was marked by....wait for it...giant mult-colored balls being thrown into the audience.

Awesome.

This tour is going to happen every year. If you are looking for a good time I highly recommend spending an evening with 8500 gays. And some big balls.

Here is a little crappy video I took: