At what point exactly did it become too much work to push a number on a phone when wanting to make a selection? I’m assuming that it became too difficult. That people were crying out for something better. A less taxing way to make their menu choices. And finally some phone menu genius decided it would be a GREAT idea to make phone menus that were voice activated.
This phone menu genius needs to be hunted down and killed.
Immediately.
Oh, sweet mother of all things holy and good in the world – please make the automated, voice-activated telephone menus stop. PLEASE. My sanity just can’t take it. I cannot spend one more minute of my life trying to talk to an electronic person. Because she is not a very good conversationalist.
Put me on hold for 15 minutes while you transfer me to your customer service people in Pakistan – I don’t care. Just let me talk to a real live person. That’s all I ask. I know you are trying to be helpful by offering me menu choices that are meant to make my experience on the phone a quick one. But guess what – it never works. Homegirl on the menu NEVER has the option I want. So I end up saying what I really want and she ends up saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Please try again.” And the WORST part is that whoever recorded the voice was told to actually sound sorry when she is saying, “I’m sorry.” But she’s not really sorry – she’s really just trying to keep me from talking to a real person. That is her entire purpose in life. To keep me off the line to Pakistan.
The other day I called to book a flight from L.A. to Sacramento. I knew what day I wanted to fly, but I didn’t know what time. I wanted to know what times were available. I wasn’t near a computer, so I had to call in. On comes Matt the Annoying Menu Guy to help me with all my travel needs. Matt is all friendly and light… and completely useless to me. Matt cannot comprehend that I don’t know what time I want to leave. This does not register with Matt. He is very “sorry”. After about 6 minutes of trying to reason with Matt I start pushing every button on the keypad, hoping one of them would take me to Matt’s leader. Instead I get, “Thanks for calling. Goodbye.”
I want to kill Matt.
I call back. I go through the whole thing again, finally Matt gives up on me and transfers me to a Real Live Man. At this point I am about 25 minutes into this whole thing. I could have driven from L.A. to Sacramento before I can get through to an actual person to book a friggin flight.
I ask the Real Live Man if I can get a flight from L.A. to Sacramento. Real Live Man says that the flight is going to be something ridiculous like 4 hours long. I think that I misunderstand Real Live Man, as I can literally drive from L.A. to Sacramento in that time (and by “I” I mean, “other people who drive really fast on the freeway, not me”). He says that his airline flies from L.A. to Sacramento thru Seattle. Seattle. As in not even in the same state as the other two cities I’m inquiring about. I repeat what he has said, “From L.A. to Sacramento – thru Seattle.” “Yes.”
I am completely silent.
Then I say, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Please try again.”
This phone menu genius needs to be hunted down and killed.
Immediately.
Oh, sweet mother of all things holy and good in the world – please make the automated, voice-activated telephone menus stop. PLEASE. My sanity just can’t take it. I cannot spend one more minute of my life trying to talk to an electronic person. Because she is not a very good conversationalist.
Put me on hold for 15 minutes while you transfer me to your customer service people in Pakistan – I don’t care. Just let me talk to a real live person. That’s all I ask. I know you are trying to be helpful by offering me menu choices that are meant to make my experience on the phone a quick one. But guess what – it never works. Homegirl on the menu NEVER has the option I want. So I end up saying what I really want and she ends up saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Please try again.” And the WORST part is that whoever recorded the voice was told to actually sound sorry when she is saying, “I’m sorry.” But she’s not really sorry – she’s really just trying to keep me from talking to a real person. That is her entire purpose in life. To keep me off the line to Pakistan.
The other day I called to book a flight from L.A. to Sacramento. I knew what day I wanted to fly, but I didn’t know what time. I wanted to know what times were available. I wasn’t near a computer, so I had to call in. On comes Matt the Annoying Menu Guy to help me with all my travel needs. Matt is all friendly and light… and completely useless to me. Matt cannot comprehend that I don’t know what time I want to leave. This does not register with Matt. He is very “sorry”. After about 6 minutes of trying to reason with Matt I start pushing every button on the keypad, hoping one of them would take me to Matt’s leader. Instead I get, “Thanks for calling. Goodbye.”
I want to kill Matt.
I call back. I go through the whole thing again, finally Matt gives up on me and transfers me to a Real Live Man. At this point I am about 25 minutes into this whole thing. I could have driven from L.A. to Sacramento before I can get through to an actual person to book a friggin flight.
I ask the Real Live Man if I can get a flight from L.A. to Sacramento. Real Live Man says that the flight is going to be something ridiculous like 4 hours long. I think that I misunderstand Real Live Man, as I can literally drive from L.A. to Sacramento in that time (and by “I” I mean, “other people who drive really fast on the freeway, not me”). He says that his airline flies from L.A. to Sacramento thru Seattle. Seattle. As in not even in the same state as the other two cities I’m inquiring about. I repeat what he has said, “From L.A. to Sacramento – thru Seattle.” “Yes.”
I am completely silent.
Then I say, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Please try again.”
1 comment:
Pretty soon, it won't be voices. It will be your thoughts. You'll just ahve to think "LA to Sacramento". The response will be "I'm sorry, I don't know what you are thinking". And the obvious joke is that it will be man trying to communicate with a woman.
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