Brown

I’m brown. No one knows what the hell nationality I am, and when they find out they are usually disappointed, because it’s never anything as cool as they guessed. I look like I could be very exotic, all sorts of different countries could be my native land. But when people ask, “Where are you from?” I say, “Sacramento.” And they say, “No, I mean like nationality.” And I say, “Sacramento.” And then I disappoint them with the fact that I am not anything exotic at all. I am a mutt. From Sacramento.

Basically I am what everyone is going to look like in about 100 years, if the world actually makes it that long. I’m a French Canadian (eh), Italian (EH!) and Portuguese. But I get my brown from Portuguese. Which always leads to, “Do you speak Portuguese?” To which I answer, “I can barely even find Portugal on the map.”

I tell you all of this to lead into a story about my evening. I am helping to put together an urban comedy magazine (because I am so urban (don’t mind the fact that I graduated from a high school that actually had cows and horses passing by it on a regular basis)) and tonight we had a pre-launch party. At this pre-launch party we featured several Black stand-up comedians and had an audience that was probably about 95% Black. And then there was me and my Jewish friend and a sampling of other white people scattered throughout.

This is far from the first time that I have been the minority in a situation. So much so that I didn’t even really notice it tonight, but sometimes I wonder how I end up in these situations. How exactly did I go from Hickville to launching an urban comedy magazine? I really have no idea. But it might have something to do with the fact that Black people love me. I’m serious. I do not know why. But it is true. Black men? Hit on me all the time. I do not know why. But it is true. Black women? Say, “Girl, you are so crazy” all the time to me. And that is a compliment. I think.

I think my bond with Black people stems from the fact that I’m not a fan of BS. If I think something, you’re probably going to know it. I don’t really care who you are, if you ask my opinion, you are going to get it. Honestly, I think I am a Black woman caught in a brown woman’s body.

But then there is the brown thing too. Sometimes I think I’m embraced by every race because no one knows what the hell race I really am. Because I am brown all of the minority races assume I am a minority too. I always tell my extremely white mother that she can’t let anyone know she’s my mom or she will ruin my street cred. So for now I introduce her as my adoptive mother and hopefully no one notices that we have the exact same chubby cheeks. Also, I’m going to figure out where Portugal is, so I can at least claim someplace besides Sacramento as my native land.