March

March sucks. It is the month following February. February is a sweeps month, when all of the TV networks pull out all the stops to lure us, the viewers, into their wonderful programming. We get guest stars and two-part-cliffhanger episodes and people making out and triple axles (every four years). But then once the month ends the networks are done with us and they act like we never even shared all of those births/weddings/near-deaths. It’s hurtful really. We were all used to being wooed and now we can’t even get a date on Friday night. (Yes I just equated television with a relationship, all my tv dramas are running repeats, I have to make up for it somewhere.)

But at least it’s not December. December is an even sadder month. It comes after November, which is a sweeps month as well. But besides that it is also the HOLIDAY month. And apparently people have no desire to watch any regular programming during the latter half of this month. We are way too busy drinking eggnog and trying to remember who we forgot to buy presents for to be watching TV.

By about December 10th most of the shows have aired their “Christmas” episodes filled with hope and joy and usually a group hug or two. And then the rest of the month we have to listen to the likes of Amy Grant and Faith Hill sing us the same 4 Christmas songs in their special shows that are filled with hope and joy and usually a group hug or two. You all know how I feel about being holly and jolly. Being holly and jolly when you are interrupting my regularly scheduled programming? Ain’t happening.

The only good thing about March nowadays is that it is fast becoming the dumping ground for all the random shows that the networks didn’t really like enough to put on their fall or even mid-season schedule. So at least we get a little new programming. Too bad it’s all poop.

I know, I need to get a life. You do not need to tell me that. But my life right now includes way too much work and way too many images of strippers, so I like to escape to my TV now and again. Of course my life is exciting enough to have someone say to me today, “I know that you are a writer so I have this great writing opportunity for you. You can write the bios for all the strippers on the website, you can get real creative with it.” Why???? Why can’t I get rid of the strippers? And why does someone think that ANYONE cares about strippers BIOS? Really. Hey, but you know what? If people do care about strippers’ bios I might just have just the reality show for March viewers...