Oscars

It’s another month and Fido is ready for the party. He is going to have alcohol poisoning if he drinks green beer from now until St. Pat’s Day.

Did ya’ll watch the Oscars last night? I didn’t win AGAIN this year! I really thought this was the year for me. But alas, Three 6 Mafia stole it out of my hands. How much do I love that a song titled “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp” won an Oscar? So much. I would have loved it even more if they had nominated the other song from the movie, “Whoop That Trick”. That would have been the highlight of all Oscars combined.

It is kinda hard to perform a rap song on live TV, since every other word is supposed to be a cuss word and they end up having to G-rate a song about pimps and hos, which isn’t easy to do. The chorus, for instance is supposed to be “It’s hard out here for a piiimp, with a whole lotta bitches jumpin’ ship.” On the Oscars it was “It’s hard out here for a piimp, with a whole lotta witches jumpin’ ship.” Come on. Really? Witches? Can’t I hear the word “bitch” on like Nickelodeon these days?

The Three 6 Mafia’s win was probably my favorite moment of the night, tied with Meryl Streep and Lilly Tomlin’s presentation of the lifetime achievement award to Robert Altman. Can you get much classier than those two? Probably not. They, and the Three 6 Mafia, were the only ones who really looked like they were having any fun. Everyone else looked like they had the golden statue stuck in an inconvenient location.

Hollywood People, it’s an awards show, not an international summit on global warming (it’s easy to tell the difference because there would never actually be an international summit on global warming). So lighten up a little bit. You make millions of dollars to speak while someone films you. Then you have to put on pretty clothes and clap for a few hours at the Oscars. It’s not that serious of a night. Now, granted, you could be attacked by your pretty clothes, like Charlize Theron was attacked by a giant bow that seemed to be inching it’s way to eating her head, but on the whole the evening is pretty safe.

So grab a forty, kick back and perhaps make out with George Clooney. It’s a night of dreams comin’ true people.