Doing Nothing

Have you heard about David Blaine’s new thing? He’s gonna spend 7 days underwater. Or something. Man I love this guy. Do ya’ll know who Blaine is? He’s a magician. He can levitate and do awesome tricks and reattach severed chicken heads. But mostly he is famous for doing absolutely nothing. Cause why have a skill when you can get the media to cover you doing nothing? Did I mention how much I love this guy?

This is the guy that stood in ice for like a week a few years back. And then he followed that up by sitting in a box for a month or something. Oh, but before both of those I think he laid in a coffin for a few weeks in New York. And people go crazy for this guy. If I was as brilliant as Blaine I would have had the media surrounding my house a couple weeks ago when I was too sick to leave my room. I don’t know why I didn’t send out a press release announcing my plans to do nothing for days at a time. Apparently I could have been a big star.

I really don’t get this guy. He is an amazing magician who does these tricks that make your brain hurt, because you just can’t figure out how the hell he did them. He’s cute, he seems articulate, he seems to have passion about life. And yet his big claim to fame is seeing how many different places he can do nothing and get Entertainment Tonight to cover it.

This time out Blaine is going to do nothing under water for a week or so. And then, AND THEN!, he is going to take off his breathing mask thingy and he will try to break the world record for holding his breath under water. Apparently the record now stands at 8 minutes, 58 seconds. Seriously. People are out there trying to set records FOR HOLDING THEIR BREATH. People need to get new hobbies. Or new professions I guess, cause Blaine seems to be making quite a decent living off of all this nonsense. According to reports the magician has been undergoing a “grueling regimen in preparation for the big event”. Really? Is the dream of holding your breath for 9 minutes really worth going through anything “grueling”?

I just don’t get it. Of course who am I to talk? I spent 30 minutes of my life playing Tampon Bowling the other day, so obviously I’m not exactly setting an example for time well-spent. But still.