My Friends Are So Supportive

I don't know what I'd do without great friends.

An e-mail sent by one such "friend" today after I expressed much stress over my impending 70,000 word writing spree:

****
I understand that part of the process for you is to give yourself a heart attack thinking about all the work you have to do, meanwhile procrastinating until the very end when you HAVE to do the work, so I'm not too worried about you yet.

Perhaps don't break it down into a word count -- you're just begging for trouble. A 200 page book is relatively short. And just think of all the edits and rewrites you'll have to go through. Man, you are going to pull all of your hair out by the time the book is on the stands. Isn't it fun to be a published author?

I hope you don't have a stroke at the age of 28 (right, man you're old), before your book is published, it would be so very sad. But maybe if it were published posthumously then sales would skyrocket and your parents would get rich and go on even more cruises, but this time they could afford the biggest cabin on the ship. And maybe they would take me with them. And then after I go to your funeral and make a big scene by crying and bemoaning your short life, I will be asked to write a story about being your friend, which will reach the bestseller list and I'll become rich and famous and send pretty flowers to your grave every year.

It's a win-win, really.

****

Everyone's a comedian.