Rec Sports

**Note: I tried to post this last night, but Blogger is on crack and not working. Well, being on crack would imply that Blogger is moving quickly, and it is not. At all. Blogger is on downers, it seems.**

You know what’s fun? Pretending I’m still in my teens. Pretending that I can just not play sports for months and all of a sudden pick up and play a full soccer game without any consequences. That’s really fun. And by “fun” I mean “really a moronic idea”.

It is quite sad how old I am. And how sore I am right now. Good lord in heaven. Moving shouldn’t hurt this bad.

Today was my first soccer game in quite some time. It was also my first foray into movement for quite sometime. Deciding to make that movement an hour and a half long soccer game mere days after finally being freed of phlegm? Not the best idea ever.

It didn’t help that we had no female subs.

So my happy ass was sprinting up and down the field for an hour and a half. Well, actually, if we’re being honest here I was probably only sprinting that one time, about 10 minutes into the game. Back when I still believed that I was young and able to sprint. Following the inevitable reality check that sprint provided, I chose to slow the rest of my play down to moderate movement. Look, it wasn’t the best I’ve ever played, but we had no subs, so it was the best the team had at their disposal.

I had forgotten how many muscles I have in my legs. I remember them all now. Because I think I pulled every single one. I had to seriously consider sleeping downstairs tonight, just to avoid climbing the stairs in my home. They seemed like way too big a commitment considering my lack of walking abilities.

If only my soccer season went the same way as my softball season has been going, I wouldn’t be sore at all. My friends and I are signed up for the Friday night softball league. Because we have all decided that we are officially lame enough that scheduling softball on Friday night does not interrupt any of our social calendars. Besides, the only reason we play is for an excuse to eat food and drink beer afterwards. That sounds like a good Friday night to me. When we all became 45 years old, I do not know.

So the softball season started 4 weeks ago. In theory. In reality it has been raining Noah-style here for the past 246 weeks or something, so we haven’t actually played a game. This week we were finally looking at a real game, because it was Friday and the sun was out. It was a big day. Then the Softball Organizer called and said, “We have a new schedule, because the season has been rained out so far.” I said, “Fantastic”. She said, “And on the new schedule you have a bye this week.” I said, “Good, good. We weren’t quite up to game ready just yet. Another week of practice will do us good.”

See, this is the kind of rec sport I can get into. We sign up, pay money and don’t actually do anything. Good news is we are still in first place. Bad news is, it’s a 12-way tie for first, but still, I like our chances this year. Especially if the only thing I actually do for the team is call up all the guys and girls on the team every week and tell them that we’re not playing. I think this might be my best chance at excelling in rec sports. Cause lord knows if making phone calls was a rec sport I’d kick the crap out of the competition.