Tuesday, September 18, 2007

On Demand

I’ve already thanked the lord for the internet and now I must turn my attention to the television, for there he has blessed us as well. We won’t even touch on the obvious blessings like 4000 channels and HBO and the Foster Farms Chickens, because we don’t have enough time to thank him for all the wonders that within the world of TV.

Instead, let us concentrate on the On Demand feature that some cable carriers have. And again, let’s ignore the beauty that is being able to watch a million cable shows and fantastic movies from our youth whenever the hell we feel like it. Oh no, we don’t have time for the glory that lies there either.

Today we will focus on something a little hidden, something that isn’t seen by a lot of people, yet something that is just as worthy of our praise.

It is called Dating on Demand. And it is awesome.

I was over at my parents house this weekend and I saw an ad for an On Demand Real Estate station that featured local real estate in the area (have you heard? there are a few houses on the market here in California. teensy tiny foreclosure problem going on.) I told my mom I wanted to check it out. (I don’t have these On Demand features at my house because I have satellite (thank the lord in heaven, or I’d never leave my house, ever.))

To which mom answered, “You know they have lots of local stuff, they even have personal ads.”
To which I answered, “Show me. Now.”

This is just amazing. People are posting on cable for dates. And apparently people are looking on cable for dates. It’s all so convenient. And scary.

Here’s Nate. He’s in Sales. Mom thinks perhaps it might be marijauna sales.

This is Bill. He’s Charming. He has a “soft spot for children”. That doesn’t actually sound as charming as it sounds creepy, Bill. Just FYI.

Here’s Doug(yFresh). He’s looking for “love and money”. Aren’t we all Mr. Fresh. My dad came in and told Doug, “You ain’t getting love without having money Doug.” A wise man, he.

Here’s Cecil. He wants someone “skinny and pretty”. Mom doesn’t think I should put this video up. Because maybe Cecil is shy. Often shy people put their videos on cable stations.


Chunks said...


To quote John Mayer:

"That's keeper shit right there!"

CLASSIC!!! I love it when your mom finds you something to blog about! High five Dawn's Mom!

Dean said...


Unfarkin' believable...I am shocked at what was out there. It was both funny and sad. Sometimes I get scared when I think that there are really people like that in the world. Brrr, it gives me the shivers.

Patricia said...

dude. you just totally skeeved me right the hell out.

right the hell out.

tornwordo said...

I have tears rolling down my face. God that feels good.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I would think "cable dating" involves the network, Cinemax, and one's own hand.

Off Demand said...

It's no wonder we have so many unwanted illegitmate children. And now that they've grown up, they are peddling their charm on cable tv. I guess there are no bars, libraries, parks or coffee shops where these people live...which I imagine is in some shack off of HWY 138 in the desert. Sad sad sad. Even sadder, is that someone will find a hookup on here. I wonder if a "skinny and pretty" girl who was looking for a "Doughy and dumb" guy finally found her dream man? Keep checking the papers for upcoming weddings!