Thursday, April 28, 2005

A Study

I’m watching the news and there is a new study out saying that if you don’t get enough sleep you might get diabetes. That’s helpful. Oh, and the study also says if you get too much sleep you might get diabetes. Then the study said they had no conclusive findings as of yet, but that they recommend that you get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. What? Why is this on my news? How is this news? And how do these doctors still have jobs?

Can you think of any other profession where you could give a job performance like that and end up on TV?

“Well ma’am, the problem with your car could be the engine. It also might be the tires. We can’t say for sure. I recommend you change the oil regularly though, and please smile for Katie Couric, she’s here to do an interview.”

And speaking of studies, I’ve done one of my own. My study involves studying studies. And while I don’t have any conclusive findings as of yet I can tell you that studies are poop. They are pointless and random and exist only so that someone can prove them wrong 45 seconds later.

And there you are rubbing lemons all over your body because a study proved it prevented lung cancer only to find out that another study is warning that lemons may cause an asteroid to hit earth in the year 2043 at 2 pm – give or take a millennium and a galaxy.

Do yourself a favor, ignore all studies.

Just follow these basic rules:

Smoking, Drinking, Stress, Crackrock and Skiing in heavily wooded areas = Bad.
Vegetables, Exercise, Laughter, Vitamins and Skiing at fancy resorts where you might meet a sugar daddy = Good.

I’m ready for my close-up Katie.

1 comment:

MARYBETH said...

Dear Dawn,
Saw you on Rosies blog and couldnt agree more about the "vote issue"
Stop by my blog soon our puppy captain jack sparrow is waiting to greet you.