Can you think of any other profession where you could give a job performance like that and end up on TV?
“Well ma’am, the problem with your car could be the engine. It also might be the tires. We can’t say for sure. I recommend you change the oil regularly though, and please smile for Katie Couric, she’s here to do an interview.”
And speaking of studies, I’ve done one of my own. My study involves studying studies. And while I don’t have any conclusive findings as of yet I can tell you that studies are poop. They are pointless and random and exist only so that someone can prove them wrong 45 seconds later.
And there you are rubbing lemons all over your body because a study proved it prevented lung cancer only to find out that another study is warning that lemons may cause an asteroid to hit earth in the year 2043 at 2 pm – give or take a millennium and a galaxy.
Do yourself a favor, ignore all studies.
Just follow these basic rules:
Smoking, Drinking, Stress, Crackrock and Skiing in heavily wooded areas = Bad.
Vegetables, Exercise, Laughter, Vitamins and Skiing at fancy resorts where you might meet a sugar daddy = Good.
I’m ready for my close-up Katie.