Thursday, November 03, 2005


Since I got the Tivo under control I decided it was time to think about actually shopping for my trip. It’s a weird thing, shopping for clothes that you are going to trash and throw away almost immediately. So where did I go for this shopping? Wal-Mart of course. Seems like a pretty good place to find disposable stuff. (The word “Wal-Mart” is in my spell checker, by the way, which seems wrong and a bit disheartening. As much as I search I cannot find “Cute Little Store Down On The Corner That Is Owned By An Even Cuter Old Lady” in my spell check. You know why? Cause Wal-Mart put that store out of business. Jerks.)

Anyways, holy crap was there a lot of stuff to find at Wal-Mart. Somehow I wandered into a two story Wal-Mart, for the love of God. It was quite overwhelming. And pretty cool. Look at the ride my shopping cart got to go on:

Weeee! Now I know this is probably not anything special to a lot of you, but damn if I wasn’t excited by the little motorized thing that took my cart up and down for me. And didn’t even tip it over! Ah technology.

So after many hours (and several rides on the escalator) this is what I came home with:

1. This is a Family Size bottle of bug lotion. I plan to bathe in it. Somewhere in that pile there is also an extra-industrial strength can of bug spray. Can you tell I’m a little worried about the mosquitoes?

2. Gloves. Two pair. Neither of which actually fit me. But I think they will prove to be nice mosquito swatters.

3. T-Shirts. Lot’s of them. They are adorable. They have Mickey on them, and the 7-up logo and the Crush logo and some other crap. I know I’m going to confuse the third worldians, but the shirts were only like 5 bucks each. The lime green ones were only 2 bucks each. So I bought quite a few of them. They should match the color of my skin nicely after I accidently drink the water.

4. Protective Glasses. I don’t know. They were like a buck. At least my eyes won’t catch malaria.

5. Cotton Candy. To show the Hondruians what real food tastes like.

6. A face net and a poncho. These will come in handy during the insect attacks and hurricanes. On my vacation.

7. Lots of reading materials. Because I don’t know why, but it takes over 24 hours for me to get across this friggin country via plane. You know, those big things that fly in the air. Really fast? Yeah. Turns out they lay over quite a bit too. So I’m bringing novels to enrich my mind while in the airport. And crappy magazines, to occupy my mind while I eat my tenth Cinnabon.

8. Video tape and cameras. To capture all that happens. Ya’ll are gonna wanna see this. I haven’t been away from this computer for more than 48 hours in, hmmm, I have no idea how long. It could get real ugly real quick. And that’s not even counting the face net.

9. And the all-important Tivo. She’s all set and ready to go. I got her all hooked up and registered. When I registered I got to name her. I named her Miracle. Cause somehow she just sits there and knows what I want to watch and she tapes it for me. And then, and then! She can burn me DVD’s of all my favorite shows! God bless us everyone.


Patricia said...

omg i love that cart mover thingie! i gotta find me a two-story store. excellent choices in shopping, by the way. a little stingy on the snacks, but hey, if you insist on actually volunteering your time and being productive, well then i guess i have to accept that. i hope you know it's BYOT*

*bring your own twinkies

BOB said...

Dawn - I hope you have a fun and safe trip. Doubt you'll find any 2-Story Wal-Marts where you're going, but hey, at least you've already got the t-shirt.