Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I’ve been told by various people that there is a rather big sign announcing my book signing next Saturday at a local Barnes and Noble. I am a very big superstar, they said, because I had such a huge sign.

I went to this store this weekend and was alarmed to see myself staring out the window, announcing my signing to all who passed in front of the store. I was meeting someone at the store, so I was forced to wait outside. While I was waiting people would pass by the store, see the sign and then two feet later see my hiding behind a pole trying not to look like I enjoy spending my Sundays standing beside my own picture.

Then my friend came up and started laughing and pointing, doing a very good job of keeping me inconspicuous. Since there was already laughing and pointing I thought I’d might as well take a picture of the first poster announcing my superstardom.

Then I noticed:

Yeah. My name is not spelled right. Oh how quickly we mighty fall. I know exactly how Britney was feeling this weekend.

The only good part about the whole thing is that I doubt anyone really recognized me from the photo. Let’s just say I don’t exactly go around with quite as much makeup as I have on in the photo. And by “quite as much” I mean “really none at all”.

Until yesterday.

The friend that was meeting me at the bookstore was also taking me to get makeup so that I will perhaps look somewhat presentable on morning television during my various appearances across this great land.

Have I told you about the morning appearances I have to make? I might not have, as I am doing my best to block them out. Why can’t there be local shows on at like midnight? This would fit with my sleeping pattern a little better. And by “a little better” I mean “completely better”. How the fark am I going to not only get my butt out of bed in time for morning television and ALSO be somewhat coherent and maybe a little entertaining on said television? It is going to be a challenge. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dealing with me in the AM hours will be happy to attest to this fact.

Anywho, I figured that what I might lack in alertness and sun-shiney brightness I might be able to make up for in 3 or so pounds of makeup attached to my face. This sounds like a plan, right? Right. Well, it’s an expensive plan, I’ll tell you that. My good lord does make up cost a lot of money. Of course it will be totally worth it if the makeup can convince even one home viewer that I am sun-shiney in the morning hours.

I might need to buy extra blush.

And possibly a stunt double.


tornwordo said...

I like the image of you hiding from your picture. And I hope they fixed your name for god's sake.

Patricia said...

yeah but imagine how much more make-up britney has to buy now. i mean she has a whole lot more skin showing now.

the misspelled name is classic. and after you practiced writing your name and everything.

good luck on the good day sac thing. you're gonna tivo it for us, right?

Dean said...

I can't wait for this Saturday. My hope is to make it to your book signing. How exciting this is!

After you sign my book, I may never wash my hands again. (lol)