Wednesday, October 18, 2006

And Speaking of MRI’s

Who the hell invented this MRI machine? And what kind a sadist was this person exactly? Have you ever been in one of these things? My lord. I imagine they can be quite unpleasant for people. For me, not so much, but as I was laying there for a half hour I had some time on my hands and I began thinking about how many ways this could suck for someone else.

1. It’s really loud. Really really loud. I’m deaf, so it didn’t really bother me much, but I’m thinking hearing people might be slightly annoyed by the loud banging noise the machine makes for the extended period of time that you are in it. I actually found the noise to be somewhat hypnotic and a bit like techno or trance music. It got its beat and didn’t let it go for a half hour of banging. I’m thinking this could severely annoy some people. Me? I started making up songs to the beat. Rap songs, because the beat was so fast. But really, is all that noise absolutely necessary? There is no way to get a picture of my knee without making a noise similar to a nuclear bomb being dropped every millisecond?

2. It’s really tiny. Really really tiny. This is bad for two reasons:

a. People are claustrophobic. I have been known to actually climb in cupboards and close the doors in order to take a nap, so I am not really claustrophobic. But I’m thinking that most people do not enjoy being put into a tube the size of a small coffin and being made to stay there for a half hour at a time. Just a hunch on that one.

b. People are big. Look I’m not exactly Mary Kate Olsen, but on the scale of human beings I’m hovering around the smaller side of the scale. And I was barely fitting on the MRI tray that is meant for people to lay on. I’m laying there looking at how close everything is to me and all I can think about is how the hell a huge football player guy fits on one these things. Hell, how does an average 200 guy fit on one of these things? Doesn’t is seem like the inventor of a machine should take into consideration who is actually going to use the machine? Luckily the night I went there was just me and the Small Asian Woman getting MRI’s. But I imagine some nights they might have to use Crisco to get people out of those things.

Or maybe they just figure the coffin feeling and insanity-causing trance blaring would be enough to get anyone out of the machine, even if they were 350 pounds.


Patricia said...

uh yeah, i think i need to avoid the need for an mri at all costs.

Anonymous said...

So what are the results? Will they be making you into the next Jamie Sommers? Will you get a bionic knee? Hey, they could give you new ears too and you could crush tennis balls with your bare hands! Imagine the running books you could write then!

Are you even old enough to know who Jamie Sommers is or did I just go a really long way to tell a joke that was way over your head?

tornwordo said...

I don't want to do the machine thanks. I'll just suffer with my malady thank you.

Anonymous said...

Made in Taiwan, perhaps? Just guessing. Sounds like a big fat slice of pie---NOT!!! Hope it ends up worth it, can you imagine the anxiety attacks some people must have in those damn things? Devo

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