Stripper Name

I tend to be kinda random, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. One of the fun things about being me? You never really know what is going to happen. Most of this has to do with my work. The work itself can be kinda random and then the flexibility lends the rest of my life to randomness as well. One of the fun things about knowing me? You never have any idea what’s going to come after “So guess what I’m doing?”

So guess what I’m doing?

I’m working with a guy who run a small ad agency. And he needed some help producing some web content for a few websites he’s putting together for one of his clients. Given the contacts I have I knew I could produce the job for him at a relatively small budget. So we are moving forward with the project. What’s so random about that, you may ask. Well his clients happen to own four strip clubs. Uh yeah. So then. My job is to organize 64 strippers for a photo and video shoot. That’s the random part. And no it’s not porn, so don’t start thinking that I’m getting lured into a bad Lifetime movie (or a good one, depending on your point of view). A strip club probably doesn’t want to put porn on their website, as that would hardly encourage men to LEAVE the house and go to the strip club.

Do you know how you know that you’re random? Call up your mother and tell her you are organizing 64 strippers and listen to her barely bat an eye, “Let me know if you need any help, I’m retired you know, I have a lot of free time.”

Today I got the contact list for my strippers. How I love this contact list. On the list there are three columns. One column says “Stage Name”, one says “Real Name”, and one says “Phone”. How many of you have ever received a fax with 32 strippers’ names while at work? I’m telling ya, you just never know what’s gonna happen. We will now review some of my favorite “Stage Names” because they entertain me so.

Jane - Come on, this girl isn’t even trying.
Mona - Nice.
Aspen - Make up your own joke.
Faith - I’m glad to see the religious right represented.
Joey - For the Dawson’s Creek fans.
Elektra - For the Jennifer Garner fans.
Gia - For the drug addicted lesbian death by AIDS fans.

and my personal favorite...

Lexxxi - The three X’s ain’t a typo kids.

Did I ever tell you guys my stripper name? I can’t remember, so I’ll tell you again. It is Sonee Rain. When pronounced correctly Sonee rhymes with “someday”. I wouldn’t want you messing up my stripper name. Where did I get this stripper name? From the accounting department, of course. Back when I worked in an accounting department I grew impatient with the fact that everyone in the building had a nameplate except for me. Tired of waiting for my nameplate to show up I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to the receptionist’s desk and found her stash of old nameplates that were made with separate letters, unlike the newer ones that are etched into a metal plate. I took all the letters of long-departed employees and began trying to make a nameplate that fit my sparkling personality. I settled on Sonee Rain. I thought it had a nice ring to it. Almost poetic, with just a hint of porn star thrown in. I put it up on my cubicle and chuckled as it confused the people passing my desk.


I received my real nameplate a couple weeks later. Nothing like a good stripper name to get things moving in corporate America.