Monday, February 06, 2006

Random Pictures

This weekend I went to a poker party and a Superbowl party. And now I am officially ill from the amount of chips and dip I’ve eaten in the course of 48 hours. The carb-overload leaves me little in the way of creative thought, so instead of writing the insightful commentary you have come to expect from this blog I will just post some insightful pictures:

Sad:

This picture is the saddest W2 you will EVER see in your life. It is for a whopping $5.77. Man, good thing they sent me this, I wouldn’t want to forget to claim this large sum of money on my taxes. I’d be audited for sure if this $5.77 went unclaimed. I better start thinking up some write-offs to offset this crippling tax hit.

This W2 is from a class action suit against a restaurant I worked at years ago. You might remember me writing about it before. More accurately you might remember me bitching about it before. I got $5.77 and my other friends who worked at the restaurant got like $500 each. Which they bragged about endlessly. And then they got another round of checks for another couple hundred dollars. And yet I was left with only $5.77. This is all a load of horse crap, if you ask me. I thought I was over my jealousy in regards to this issue, but the second I got this damn W2 I was once again bitching about the blatant prejudice which existed in the money distribution. I haven’t quite figured out how I was discriminated against, but I’m sure I was. And I’m sure I can get enough people to join me in my class action suit against the class action suit. I will not rest until my voice is heard! Or until they just send me some more cash.


Sadder:




Is it weird that I actually feel bad for this dog on my mother’s porch? I mean come on. Look at the poor thing. Made to wear silly hearts around its face. It’s degrading really.

But not a degrading as this…

Saddest:

This is another photo taken at my mother’s house. I did not move these two souvenirs next to each other. This is how they are arranged all the time. And all the time I think it’s ridiculously inappropriate. My mother says that they are next to each other because she got both while on a trip to Italy. I say that it’s just wrong to have Pinocchio, with his long-ass nose protruding from his body, standing next to a statue of a naked man. I’ve covered up David’s private parts in this picture for two reasons:

1) This is a family friendly blog.
2) It can’t be good for David’s self-esteem that he is forced to stand next to a being whose NOSE is bigger than his PENIS. The only way this could be more humiliating for David is if my mother decided to hang the "Be Mine" heart on his man parts.

4 comments:

Chunks said...

If your mom ever EVER decides to get rid of that dog, I will gladly take it! I would keep the tradition of dressing it for holidays. I might even make new outfits for it...I HEART that dog!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE CHUNKS!!! I've thought of making outfits for the dog too!

Now, about the David statue. His "man parts" are not big enough to hold the "be mine" sign. Poor thing. mom

Dean said...

Hurrah! The dog is back!
I've missed seeing your Mom's dog. Glad it is back on the blog.

As for the statues...I was going to ask why someone's privates were covered, but not the nose next to him.

Methinks, perhaps, that David has some sort of "envy"?

Patricia said...

poor david. he'll never be able to compete with a little boy who wears short pants and talks like a girl.