Thursday, December 15, 2005


Can I just tell you about the luck I've been having? Not so good. But now it has become obvious that the gods are just being asses.

A few months ago I got a thing in the mail stating that I was part of a class action suit against a restaurant where I used to work. It was some blah blah blah, sign here if you want to be added to the list. I figured why not, so I signed it and never thought of it again. Then the other day my mom called me to tell me that I had gotten my class action settlement in the mail and asked if she could open it. I said yes, so that after she told me how large the check was I could then hang up the phone and promptly quit my job. Why even bother finishing the day, really.

So she ripped open the check to find the enormous sum of $9.50. After taxes of course. I turned the computer back on and went back to work, a little pissed off that my class action settlement was not even enough for a night at the movies. And even more depressing, it was hardly the kind of riveting "fighting against the man" kind of class action suit that could even be made into a movie. Halle Berry would so play me in the tale of how I had to overcome not only my bad computer and class action karma but also carpel tunnel and lack of singing abilities. God it would be gripping.

Anyways, I moved on from my near-retirement and went about my life. THEN I received an e-mail from a friend who also used to work for the Defendent. She was all, "I just got a check in the mail for $400 from some class action suit. All I did was sign my name and a couple months later money came." Bitch. You know, I got her that job. And yet she still didn't even think to kick me back any of her settlement.

She will be played by an evil awful actress in the movie version of our story. Her character will recognize the error of her ways in the third act though, and our friendship, ripped apart by wealth, will be healed when she says, "I know you don't have enough money for popcorn, let me get it for you."


Jenn said...

I love that ChrisKwanziKah song, haha. I know, I'm late in mentioning it. I don't have an excuse beyond laziness. And $9.50? They call that class action? Geez.

Unclassy Action Suit said...

How the heck can she get $400 and you get $9.50? I think the "Class Action" is biased. I think you should demand the money from her since it hadn't been for you, she'd have -0-.

I can't wait to see the movie starring Halle Berry as you.
Do you think she can sing the ChrisKwanziKah song better than you? Hardly.

Dean said...

Halle Berry is fine as long as she doesn't use that weird accent, like she did in X-Men. What was that anyway?

As for your "riches", all I can say is "Ho-ho-ho...Merry ChrisKwanzikah!"