Monday, March 20, 2006

So Very Sad

A tragedy has befallen my life. And I don’t know if I will be able to fight through it. It almost seems too big to overcome.

I can no longer eat butter on my popcorn at the theater. Yes, I know. I amaze myself with my ability to keep going forward. Sometimes I must admit, it is not easy, but I think of all the other people in the world who can’t eat fake butter and in their courage I find my strength.

Oy. It is all very sad indeed. I am sitting here, at 1:30 in the morning, trying very hard not to puke. It is touch and go at this point. And why the sickness? Because I ate a little popcorn with my butter this afternoon while at the movies. It’s my own fault really, this is not the first time this has happened. But even though I know I shouldn’t do it the buttered topping calls out my name. Cause what is the point of movie popcorn without butter? I mean really. And what is the point of the movie itself without popcorn, right?

For some unknown reason I can no longer eat butter without consequences. This leaves about 80% of my diet uneat-able, just so you know. I can’t even bother with lobster anymore, cause I can’t dip it in the butter. My favorite bread rolls on the planet? Smothered in butter. I can’t eat them. Well, “can’t” is a strong word. Because let’s be honest I “can” eat pretty much anything I want. The eating just “can” result in me sitting up all night trying to talk myself out of puking.

And that brings us to now. And now is not fun. Cause the only other times I’ve had to try to talk myself out of puking have been following many an alcoholic beverage. And at those times I was also trying to talk the room into stopping all of its spinning. Let’s just say I didn’t have a great win/loss record in those debates.

But here I sit, sober, and feeling sick. One might officially be a loser if buttered popcorn has taken the place of alcohol in their lives.

4 comments:

Patricia said...

movie-hopping karma. it'll get ya everytime.

hopefully it's just a limited release karma and not a blockbuster. maybe it'll go away. or - maybe - i dunno, perhaps you could eat less of the fake butter stuff for a while? just a thought

Chunks said...

Interestingly enough, I am sitting here eating a toasted english muffin with melted butter slathered all over it. I feel your pain. Well, I don't really feel it, but I can imagine life without the loveliness of melted butter. It wouldn't be worth living. You should just end it all, pack it in. Life without butter, well, that just ain't life.

Dean said...

I would tell you what we learned in our Nutrition class about the movie theatre butter, but it would make you sicker.

I feel for ya' and can only suggest some sort of season salt, like mrs dash or something.

Otherwise I guess you will have to switch to ice cream!

Lynn said...

Give up butta? Nevva!

Maybe it's your gallbladder. Google cholecystitis.