Friday, December 22, 2006

Guest Blog

Someone posted this as a comment on my blog yesterday and I thought it was pretty funny. And I don't have anything nearly as clever to say myself, so here ya go:


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! -- From us ('the wishor') to you (hereinafter 'the wishee'),

Please accept no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all…and a materialistically successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that: this greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal; This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged; This implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others; This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor; This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first; The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor; Any references in this greeting to 'the Lord', 'Father Christmas', 'Our Saviour', or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged. Any and all disputes arising out of this holiday greeting shall be resolved by arbitration, under the auspices of the Holiday Dispute Resolution Panel. The Holiday Dispute Resolution Panel is a not-for-profit, non-denominational, non-secular, non-sectarian, nonjudgmental, disinterested, asexual, non-sequitur body of independent, unaffiliated persons and non-persons.


tornwordo said...

This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings

That was my favorite bit.

Patricia said...

this must've been written by an attorney.

me, i was amused before even reading it, because i was stuck on repeatedly saying "wishor" "wishee" over and over until it sounded really funny in my head.

but then i'm easily amused like that.

Chunks said...

I think my head asploded!

That was the most PC thing I have ever read.