Wednesday, December 06, 2006

My New Favorite Thing

People. I need to tell you something. And I need you to listen. I do not get excited about many things. It is simply not in my nature. You might have noticed. Maybe the whole “I hate December” might have given you a clue.

But I am excited.

Today at work I turned to a girl who was on my Guatemalan trip and said, “Oh my God, do you know what is going to be waiting for me when I get home?!”

And she said, “Those turtle things from New Orleans?”

And then I said, “Did I tell you I ordered them?”

And she said, “No, I could just tell by the sound of your voice.”

See. I found this candy store in New Orleans, or it found me really. It is called Southern Candymakers and it very well may be the key to happiness here on earth. It may also be the key to a fat ass, but if happiness comes with a fat ass, so be it.

We were wandering the streets of New Orleans, on our first night in town, and we wandered past a candy store. It had a window facing the street, and in that window the candymakers were making candy, candy of the caramel persuasion. This literally stopped me in my tracks, I turned around and went into the store. This will go down in my history as one of my smarter moves. To describe what I found inside is really beyond my feeble abilities as a writer. It smelled like I know in my heart heaven will smell. Sugar and chocolate and just general wonder and goodness.

It was on that first night that I had my first Tortue, as they call it. I call them Turtles. And I’m not sure where the hell either name came from, but all I know for sure is they are friggin amazing. Oh my good lord. They have walnuts or pecans, or some other nut that is really insignificant in the scheme of things, then they have THE BEST CARAMEL I have ever had. And let’s just say that I’ve had some caramel. Then they have milk chocolate on top. And some are then completely dipped in milk chocolate in addition to that. I went back every day to that candy store and got two more Turtle/Tortue things. And they made me so happy.

What made me even happier was when I asked, “Do you guys deliver?” and they said, “Here is our color catalogue, we deliver everywhere.”

Yes, Timmy, there is a Santa Clause.

And he came to my house today.

As soon as I got home from traveling I went online and ordered several pounds of these Turtles to give in little gift baskets I’m making for my clients to say thank you for paying me money and perhaps maybe encourage them to pay me more money next year too...look chocolate! I ordered 5 pounds and then in an e-mail conversation with the store I asked how many come in a pound. They said about 12 come in a pound. I did the math and figured out that, based on the number of turtles I was planning on using in each gift basket, I was going to have just the right amount. So I ordered two more pounds. Cause, really, what are the odds I’m going to make it through making gift baskets and not actually eating any? Please. I already ate two.

Really, these things are amazing. I need you people to know this. I wish I could send one to all of you. Well, I wish I could send a whole pound to all of you, because honestly sending just one would be kinda mean.

Here is a picture of me expressing my love for the turtles:

Please note at the beginning of this blog that I mentioned a conversation that I had with a girl who joined me in Guatemala. She wasn’t in New Orleans. But she still knew the special tone of my voice that I use when describing the turtles. I might have talked about them in a teensy bit of detail while in Guatemala. Guatemala cuisine might have left me longing for the wonder that was only to be found in Southern Candymakers.

Here you see that the turtles have really brought some much needed spirit to the Christmas decorations:

This is the kind of thing that can make even me holly and jolly.


tornwordo said...

They look scrumptious! Glad you're getting into the spirit.

Anonymous said...

It's Virginia who asked about Santa Clause...TIMMY was in the well.

I'm glad you found your holiday spirit in the chocolate and caramel goodness that is the "Turtle". The joy in your heart resonates in your words. Plus, you left a tiny bit of drool on your post right there, oh yeah, you got it.

shitbitch bear said...

Are you saying you've never had turtles before, or just turtles that are this delishy? I think you just gave everyone the permission to send you some for Christmas to get your ass fat and bring a smile to your caramel loving face. It's nice to see that the simple things still make you so happy.

Patricia said...

i knew, knew chunks was going to beat me to the virginia vs timmy thing. and when i read it, i laughed until i couldn't breathe. that's what happens when one laughs without expelling any air so as to hide one's laughter at work.

as for the tortues, i have duly bookmarked their site and will be doing a little post-resolution shopping somewhere in the middle of january. thank you in advance for spoiling my resolution before it's even made.