Wednesday, March 14, 2007


Nebraska smells. Really bad.

Nebraska is also, according to its State Sign, the Home of Arbor Day. I had no idea that a state could claim ownership of a whole day. But apparently Nebraska has. And quite honestly, given the fact that they have to live with that smell all the time, I’m willing to give them Arbor Day. They deserve that much. I might even be willing to throw in Flag Day. It smells that bad.

We are on the road. There is very little to blog about when you spend your entire days in a car. Especially when you are passing through the middle of this country in said car. Just not a lot going on to report back to you.

I am heading to Chicago. I’m sure there are things happening there that I can tell you about in a couple days. For instance, I have a TV segment there in which I have been instructed to be “serious” not “funny”. Apparently it is for some “serious”-type segment about health or something. I wonder how I will do with being “serious”. I have a feeling it will not go so well. It is not in my nature. Sarcasm is a disease. There is nothing I can do about it. It strikes in unknowing, uncontrollable ways. Kinda like tourette’s. You understand my plight. We’ll see how it goes.

We were staying with a cousin of Edwin’s in Colorado. Cousin’s Wife was about 8.7 months pregnant when we arrived. She was scheduled for a C-section next week. That schedule took a bit of a turn last night at about 2 a.m. when she went into labor. So happy birthday to the new baby! If there are any other pregnant women who are nearing their due date and want to speed things up, let me know, we’ll stop on by. It seems that my presence is enough to scare a baby right out into the world.

We have now made it to Des Moines. We will be here for 10 hours or so then head out again, on our way to Oprah’s house in Chicago. I hope she’s made the proper arrangements for my arrival. I don’t know if her compound is quite ready for the amount of paparazzi that follow me everywhere...


Patricia said...

having never been to nebraska, i must ask. what does it smell like? oh the things i never thought i'd be asking.

does your baby voodoo work on anything other than inducing labor? i trust you'll get back to me on that one.

with all this traveling, i always picture the indiana jones map where it shows the little plane flying across the globe. of course my picture goes much more slowly, what with you being in a car driving and paying tolls and blogging.

Chunks said...

Sarcasm is a disease. I suffer from it as well. There is a pill for it but the side effects are too strong.

Anyway, say goodbye to the Stinky State and Hello to Oprah. Stop scaring babies.

tornwordo said...

What about the amazing flatness. If I remember correctly, Nebraska is flat and stinky. P, I think she's referring to the fertilizers for spring.