Sunday, August 21, 2005


Now I know my readers are annoyed when I talk about TV, but too bad. Cause there is BIG TV news to report. Following much debate and slow-motion instant replaying it has been decided that the only fair way to settle the Dancing with the Stars Controversy is to have the final two contestants compete in a Dance Off.


How Every 80’s Movie Made is that? I love it. For those of you who are not cool enough to know what the hell I’m talking about, let me catch you up:

The final two contestants on Dancing with the Stars (aka: the show that decided to class up ballroom dancing with Britney Spears’ music, exposed ab muscles and Patrick Swayze) were an Old Dude from Seinfeld and a Young Hot Chick from Some Soap Opera. Guess which one won? Yeah, the Young Hot Chick. Sure The Old Dude could dance better, but he looked horrible in a bikini.

The Old Dude’s fans were quite upset and demanded to have their voices heard. (Don’t piss off middle-aged women.) They felt that they weren’t given an adequate opportunity to vote their silver-haired sex symbol into the winner’s circle. And then the Young Hot Chick’s soap opera fans (a whole nother group of middle-aged women apparently) said that their girl deserved to win. So there was an uproar. Because this was very serious business.

I mean the winner gets a trophy with a disco ball on it. For god’s sakes. If that’s not worth fighting for, I just don’t know what is.

So ABC has announced that there will be a Dance-Off show in which the final two get to go head to head to decide once and for all who gets the biggest rash from their sequins. Or something.

Is it wrong that I am picturing this whole thing as a big crowd of people with Old Dude and Young Hot Chick in the middle doing various dance moves while periodically throwing in a “talk to the hand” move and getting high fives from their posse? And then of course after the contestants’ rigorous display of dancing talent the entire crowd will simultaneously break into a perfectly choreographed dance routine. That happens in real life, right?

God, I hope Kevin Bacon shows up.


Patricia said...

ok at first i was all yawwwwwn about the dance thing but if kevin bacon shows up, well then we're all in, in a six degrees kind of way.

i gotta go practice my cha cha.

Dean said...

Oh please! In footloose, all Kevin Bacon did was twist his ankle back and forth.

Now Elaine's Dancing on Seinfeld...there's some "REAL" dancing!

Jenn said...

I haven't watched that show but if it goes the way you say it should then who could deny themselves? :)