Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Diddy Daddy Do

THIS JUST IN!!! STOP EVERYTHING!!! PUT DOWN YOUR MORNING COFFEE, MINIMIZE YOUR SPIDER SOLITAIRE SCREEN, GET YOUR LOVED ONES ON THE PHONE!!!

P. Diddy has decided to remove the “P” from his name!!! Leaving just Diddy!!!

Yes, I know there is a war going on, and large commercial airplanes are falling out of the sky on a daily basis, but people please, this name change is the REAL news of the day.

Be sure to update all of your contact info for him immediately.

Why oh why do music personalities feel the need to change their names on a regular basis? Is there something about a recording studio, maybe the air pressure in there, that makes your brain come up with thoughts such as, “Man, if I only had a different name, or perhaps just a letter instead of a name, or maybe, just maybe, a sign instead of a letter or a name! Then I would be able to make music that touched the souls of all the men and women of this land.”

When asked about his name change on the Today Show (Yes, the friggin’ Today show is covering this, lord help us all) he explained the whole thing in a completely logical fashion, “I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer.”

Uh Diddy, there are a lot of things coming between you and your fans (your bodyguards, your security gate, your limo, your piles of cash, your gun-toting entourage, your bling bling, etc. etc.) but I really doubt that the letter “P” is one of those things.

But there are even more reasons…..“During concerts, half the crowd is saying 'P. Diddy' - half the crowd is chanting 'Diddy' - now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.'”

Seriously. This guy is killing me. As if a rap concert is ever going to be a place where you find any sort of order and unison. I guarantee at least 3/4 of his crowd is also chanting quite a few other names such as Punk-Ass Bi-atch and #%&%$@*!!. I might actually enjoy it if he changed his name to one of those.

And then the real reason for his name change comes out, “I even started to get confused myself - and when I'd called someone on the telephone it took me a long time to explain who I was. Too long."

Who the hell is he talking to on the phone that can’t figure out who he is? And do we really think that these “living under a rock in Botswana people” are going to suddenly pull their heads out of their asses because he lost the “P”?

Oh my god, think of all the new business ventures he can start now that he doesn’t waste all that time saying “P”. That’s like a tenth of a second saved every time he says his name. And he seems like the kind of guy who says his own name A LOT, so I imagine he’ll be saving a lot of time. He better be careful though. When P. Diddy has free time it inevitably leads to court dates involving paternity or weapons charges. And then those lead to another name change.

It’s the circle of life really.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

So...when did he change his name from Puff-Lo?

Patricia said...

omg you're right! just like the lion king!

perhaps i'll drop the "p" from my name too.
thanks, diddy!

love,
atricia

Choc to the o-diddy said...

It's for tax purposes. As long as he keeps changing his name, he can continue to avoid the IRS. Why do you think so many criminals have aliases? I don't think this is over yet. Soon he will be P-Sean then Diddy Puff Combs, and so on.

meelo said...

posted one after pic for your viewing pleasure :)