Most of these confusing ad campaigns stem from bathroom products. The toothbrush and toothpaste industry alone makes up a good 30 percent of my commercials. And they are an even higher percentage of daytime commercials. (Apparently people who don’t have to work during the day have a lot of extra time to brush their teeth. And go to technical schools. And hire personal injury lawyers.) Am I the only person in the country not buying a toothbrush every time I go to the grocery store? And I the only one who just steals all her toothbrushes from her dentist?
But the one product that has always baffled me the most is the razor. My dear lord there are a lot of ads for razors. And they are always so exciting. Things are flying all over the screen, blades multiplying like rabbits on speed, incredibly hot people who definitely have the razor to thank for their incredible hotness. I just don’t see the point of all these razor ads. How many razors are people buying? And how excited can a person really get about a plastic thing that is going to spend a good deal of its time in your armpit?
Lately one razor ad in particular has caught my eye. It is the new Venus Vibrance. It’s the first battery operated razor for women. It’s pink. And it confuses me a little. Why on earth do I need a battery operated razor? I mean the thing looks just like a regular disposable razor, except it has a battery inside of it. Look, unless the battery is going to result in me being able to put the razor on the floor of the tub and have the razor shave my legs for me, I don’t really see the point.
Just when I thought the razor company might be over-advertising their razor I receive visual confirmation of their slightly bizarre advertising campaign:
Yes, this is an SUV. Painted pink. With pink rims on the tires. With a big razor on the side of it. And the words “Soothing Vibrations”:
This ad campaign is all about the vibrating. “With the push of a button turn on Soothing Vibrations.” Uh, I don’t know about you, but when I think of a woman’s product that vibrates and involves batteries, I just don’t think of a razor. Perhaps, that’s just me. Perhaps I should stop watching so much daytime TV. But I just think the whole concept of a vibrating razor is bound to lead to some calls to that personal injury lawyer. Is all I’m saying.