Tuesday, September 27, 2005

2 for 1

There needs to be some rule or law that prohibits me from going within 30 feet of a grocery store when I am hungry. Maybe I could get a little ankle bracelet that zaps me when it senses that I’m about the spend $120 on Pop Tarts and Potato Chips.

There also needs to be another law that prohibits stores from having “2 for 1” sales on anything that lists “corn syrup” as one of its primary ingredients. Guess what? I don’t even need one of those, let alone two. And yet, when I walk into the grocery store, thinking that I’m only there to pick up toilet paper and bagels, I am FORCED to walk right past big displays that read “2 for 1”. And I think, “Well, geez, how can I pass that up? That’s like a FREE thing.” And then there’s another display and another and another. Until I finally make my way to the check out counter and then to my car only to realize I didn’t get the toilet paper OR the bagels. But should I all of a sudden decide to become a pothead, I’m all set. Bring on the munchies! It’s 2 for 1 day!

The only way I’ve found to have even a hope of avoiding a cart full of totally unneeded, yet totally tasty treats is to start eating the first treat I put in my cart. I have been blessed with a stomach the size of a small marble and so even when I’m starving it only takes, well, a marble to fill me up. So if I HAVE to put the two bags of Mother’s Circus Cookies in my cart (why are those so good?) then I might as well open one up and start eating. Then hopefully I will fill up and have a small chance of being able to pass up the 2 for 1 Tostito Nacho Cheese Dips (salsa con queso, or as I like to call it: cheese dip con pretty much anything es bueno).

Another thing I should not be allowed to do: Go buy a meal at a take-out place a mere 4 minutes after I have just gone food shopping. I swear I have some mental block against actually eating food from the grocery store until it’s been in my house for 24 hours. Why else would someone spend an hour shopping for all of their food needs (aka: bagels, bags o’ salad and 2 bags of Mother’s Circus Cookies) and then literally drive out of the grocery store parking lot and into the Chinese food parking lot to pick up dinner? I do this almost every time I go grocery shopping. Well not every time. Sometimes I get Del Taco instead of Chinese Food.

Right now I am hiding upstairs, trying to avoid the lure of the cookies, chips and Chinese food in my kitchen. When I do give into the lure I make myself feel better by running very quickly back up the stairs. You know, to burn off the calories. I have a lot of stairs. So I’m sure everything is balancing out quite nicely.

3 comments:

Dean said...

Dang woman...Mothers Circus Cookies are one of my favorite! I can totally relate to your situation. You are absolutly right about getting hit with those 2 for 1's.

Perhaps just sticking with a real marble would be best.

Cardigan said...

Now, if you shopped (as I do currently) at the Safeway in Citrus Heights, you could get your takeout Chinese food right there in the deli. No driving to another place necessary!

Groceries needed said...

Why not just move in to the store with your VCR & TV? Perfect solution!