Monday, September 19, 2005

My Kind of Gambling

I went to Tahoe this weekend for yet another Bachalorette party. If you are reading this blog and are looking to meet your mate and are having trouble you might want to consider becoming my friend. The odds are very good that you will become engaged and throw many a wedding-related party very soon after becoming my friend. Is all I’m saying.

In fact, my Roommate actually came into my room tonight and said, “You really need to put a stop to all those friggin’ “Save the Date” cards you are getting in the mail. Every time I open the fridge I am bombarded with wedding bliss. And it’s starting to make me nauseous.”

Being as though I have already been to 432 Bachalorette parties in Tahoe and I wasn’t drinking my body weight in liquor I decided to take a moment away from the festivities to make a contribution to the “Tahoe Casino Fund”. Screw the hurricane victims, Harrah’s REALLY needs my money.

I wandered around and found my new favorite way of losing my money. It’s roulette. But not normal roulette. It’s Lazy Man Roulette. There is circle of touch-screen monitors and in the middle of the circle there is a roulette wheel. You sit down at one of the monitors, give the nice Gambling Ladies your money, and then you get credits on your screen. You will also find a roulette board on your screen. And little denominations of money. So you pick what denomination you want, then you put your money on whatever numbers you want and then you wait for one of the Gambling Ladies to tell you what the number is. And then your money slowly disappears from your screen until you have no more and are forced to put your penis paraphernalia back on and join the drunk bride-to-be on the dance floor.

This is all very exciting to me. I enjoy the roulette. It is usually my casino donation method of choice. But the sucky thing about the roulette is all the standing up, sitting down, standing up, sitting down, having to talk to people to have them help you put your chip on a number that is out of your reach, then standing up and sitting down some more. Who has the leg muscles for all that? Not me.

So when I saw this Completely Sitting Roulette I was quite excited. So excited in fact, I sorta forgot to make an effort to fully comprehend all of the rules before playing. I was hitting numbers left and right and wondering why my money wasn’t going up. Finally one of the Gambling People came over and pointed out that there were minimum bets needed on both the inside AND the outside of the board, not the whole board. So every time I’d won my bet had been voided because I hadn’t bet enough. The funniest part of this is that it took me quite awhile to figure this out. I figured I must be winning, because my credits weren’t going down. Turns out my credits weren’t going down because I wasn’t actually betting anything. I was sitting, I was drinking my free coke, I was talking to the girl next to me, I was talking to the Gambling Lady and I was even showing my friends how cool this game was. What I wasn’t doing however, was actually playing the game. Turns out your money lasts a lot longer that way.

Here is a picture of the Beer Goggles on yet another drunk friend with very little concern over the ridiculousness of the things put on her head.


Dean said...

How cool for you. I love roulette! My fav at the casino's. There is method to the madness and it sounds like you were getting the hang of it.

As for the bachlorette parties. Soon you will have so many you could write a book and your place in fame would be reserved with the likes of Wilt Chamberlain.

Glad you had a good time.

Blackjacker said...

I am glad you found something to do that incorporates your will to do nothing but sit and drink coke periodically (movies, tv, etc.). I just wish you had won some $$$ to get your butt some air.

I look forward to your Video tutorial, "playing roulette and not losing money".

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Adorable pic.

Patricia said...

that's my kind of gambling.
being a poser, enjoying the game, but not losing any money. i'ma have to try this.

Casey Cahn said...

Looks like a lot of fun! Thanks for sharing.