Thursday, September 29, 2005

UFO - HMO

People entertain me so much sometimes it’s ridiculous.

Have you heard about the guy in Puerto Rico who is building a landing strip for the aliens? Ahhh. I LOVE this guy.

His name is Reynaldo Rios and he is convinced that he has not only seen UFO’s in his life but that it is very important to provide them with a nice landing strip so that they have someplace to park when they come over for Sunday dinner. With the anal probe.

The greatest part of this is that the Puerto Rican government is supportive of Rey’s efforts. They think that it will increase tourism to the area, and thereby increase local revenues. Cause you just know that EVERYONE is going to want a commemorative anal probe. Like hot cakes they will sell!

Rios has found a local farmer who has agreed to allow the use of his land for the landing Extraterrestrials. The landing strip will be about 80 feet long and cost about $100,000 to construct. One might wonder why it would take $100,000 to make a flat piece of land flatter, but then one wouldn’t be factoring pyramids into the equation. And that would be an oversight on one’s part.

According to Rios the landing strip will have two pyramids as control towers, because the aliens are attracted to pyramids. Everyone knows that. Which is why Madonna ditched her pointy bra back in the 80’s. Even Madonna has her limits when it comes to probing.

Turns out Rios has been the recipient of some positive probing. He says that when he was 13 aliens came into his room and into his body and cured a back injury he had. Because that’s all aliens have to do with their time. Cure random Puerto Rican back injuries. “Hey, man we just landed on this cool planet with water and nuclear bombs and pyramids for boobs. What should we do first?” “Well, I think we should definitely take care of that kid’s back sprain. Then we’ll figure out other ways to help the earthlings. Because they are such un-self-centered people that I’m really glad we traveled 93 light years to be able to come help them with various muscle aches.”

If you’d like to learn more about these aliens, the ones that Reynaldo is seeking out, you can join his group, “UFO International (Really just in one nation, Puerto Rico)”. Rey and his team of UFO admirers “hold nighttime vigils to search for signs of alien life.” Because why would you want to find aliens in the light of day, really? Then you might be able to actually IDENTIFY something on the videotapes you take of them/random light/maybe a firefly on the lens of your video camera.

Not that there’s anything wrong with Reynaldo’s beliefs. I gotta go finish duck taping my funnel to my head so that the aliens can come into my body tonight and cure my carpel tunnel. Who needs health insurance, really?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050928/ap_on_fe_st/ufo_landing_strip

4 comments:

e.t. said...

Oh, but what you may not know is that the largest radio telescope dish in the world is located in Puerto Rico at the Arecebo Space Observatory - at the tippy, tippy, top of a donkey-and-stray-dog-riddled narrow windy road. If you've seen "Contact" with Jodie Foster, you've seen "the Dish".

Nothing says "land on my rain-soaked, lizard infested rock" like a giant radio telescope. One thing though: you have to climb a lot of stairs and pay $5.00 to tour the place, and they don't even sell foil hats. Good thing I keep mine handy at all times.

Dean said...

I love this story!
Wish I would have thought of it first. Can you imagine the souvenirs that will be sold? Maybe opening day they can auction of Madonna's bra.

Jenn said...

When they're finished curing your carpel tunnel, do you think you could send them over to my place to cure mine? :)

Anonymous said...

i just did a search on 'boobs' and your site came up. I guess this is what i get with too many parental controls. this site is so un-porn like. pretty funny though and it saved my butt when the wife just walked in.