Tuesday, September 27, 2005

TV Time

Holy hell did I watch a lot of TV this weekend. I sat on my ass for so many consecutive hours that I had to change locations a few times because I was actually in physical pain. (Sign #243 that you are getting old: It hurts to sit for more than an hour.)

I will now give you a breakdown of some of the more notable shows on TV.

Kitchen Confidential: It’s got that cute guy that made out with Christine Lahti on ‘Jack and Bobby’ last year. I guarantee that Christine Lahti is bummed that that show got cancelled. Cause this guy is adorable. On this new show he is still adorable, and his co-star speaks with an accent, which is always a selling point for me. Oh, and the show is pretty funny too.

Prison Break: This show has been on a few weeks and it’s already starting to get on my nerves a little bit. The main guy is very serious and a little scary. If I’m not mistaken I think I’ve actually seen him play the devil on something. And I think he was pretty convincing. He’s all squinty and tortured and way uptight about the whole “breaking out of prison” thing. And the girl on the show who plays the lawyer has a lazy eye. And it’s starting to distract me. It’s so lazy that it’s like halfway down her face, just resting there. Looking into her eyes makes me dizzy. Maybe after she’s done saving the life of a man wrongly accused of murder she could investigate some various pulley devices to lift her eye up.

My Name is Earl: Friggin’ Funny. Again, with the accents. Only this time it’s southern accents. Which I enjoy as well. If only because they are more likely to say things like, “You can’t get away from me, I know where your mama parks your house!”

How I Met Your Mother: Doogie Friggin’ Howser is on this show. It’s not really that funny. And it’s got a laugh track, which always annoys my independent spirit (don’t tell me when I should laugh. I am perfectly capable of forming a laugh all on my own.) But it’s got Doogie!

Everybody Hates Chris: This is a show based on the childhood of Chris Rock. Didja watch it? Better yet, did you listen to it? You didn’t really have to watch it, as 90% of the show was Chris Rock doing voice-over while the actors reenacted what he was saying. It might work out to be a bad thing that the most famous person on the show is the guy doing the voice-overs. I wonder when the actors are going to start noticing that they don’t actually have any lines.

LOST: Wait. There’s a dude living under ground on the island? With a blender? And a record player? This guy kicks the crap out of the lame Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse.

Invasion: I have no idea what this show is about. I mean I’m assuming it’s about an “Invasion” of course. But other than that I can’t really tell where they are going. BUT, wherever they are going I’m willing to tag along for a bit. I’ve had a huge crush on the main actor for quite some time now. The guy has dimples you could swim in. Can he act? Not really. But he can take his shirt off quite well.

I’m sure there were other shows I taped, but they are all sort of a blur together by this point. All I can tell you for sure is that for some reason William Shatner keeps winning Emmys, Oprah Winfrey has been on the air for 20 years, but still managed to find roughly 32 guests for her show this week, and finally…doing absolutely nothing for extended periods of time can actually lead to muscle aches so great that they require the aide of several Advil. Such an educational weekend. Really.


replacement shows said...

What so you only like the shows with cute guys you have crushes on? Is this why you didn't watch "The Ghost Whisperer" or "Threshold"?? You are a weakling for those Scott Wolf-dimples dudes.

Dean said...

Your therapy beins at 3:00pm today.

Anonymous said...

do you sleep?

dawn said...

I do sleep. It's the only thing I do better than watch TV.