Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I Might Have Issues With Throwing Stuff Away

For your Friday entertainment I give you....

The Back of My Car.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to hold on to things that I really have no business keeping in my life. Basically I am easily entertained and also quite sentimental. This leads to pretty much everything in my life being kept for humor or heart's sake. For some reason over the years things have accumulated in the back of my car. I don't know why. It just seems that I throw things back there and they are destined to remain there for eternity.

When I went on vacation last year my mother had my car at her house for a week or so. Not being able to stand the chaos that was the back of my car she organized it for me, even added a cardboard box to keep things contained. So now the random stuff isn't messy, which makes it even less likely to draw my attention and therefore require me to reevaluate why it is I have kept all this crap.

One reason why I kept it? So that ya'll can be entertained by it.

These are the wings from my Halloween costume last year in which I was half devil half angel. And all the way loser for keeping these things. Probably even more loser for the fact that I've put them on since Halloween...

A bunch of balls. All of which are totally flat and useless. The top basketball was actually found on the side of the street one day when a ten-year old riding in my car screamed, "Look at the ball! All alone! Let's save it." And for some reason it seemed totally logical to save the abandoned ball on the side of a busy street.

This is left over from Stripperpalooza. You just never know when you will need a feather boa. "Officer Daahling, I simply couldn't have been speeding, I'm a classy broad wearing a boa!"

I have no idea.

This has been in my car since I moved something like two years ago. The thing that cracks me up about this is that my mom actually folded it up nicely and put it in the box while organizing. She knows me well enough to know that there is a very good chance that I am in someway attached to this bubble wrap. And that I probably need therapy.

The ugliest shirt of all time. We won this like three seasons ago and no one on the team wanted one because they were so ugly. So I still have like 10 of these in my car. "Officer, I could not have been speeding, I'm a SOFTBALL CHAMP! With a boa."

A relatively new addition, this is from my non-birthday party the other night. It's a crown or something. I don't know. But it goes really well with Hostess snack cakes and margaritas, just so you know.

Floppy Discs! When was the last time you used a floppy disc! I'm guessing these have been in this car and my previous car for over 5 years. What is on them I do not know. Probably my manifesto. All looney's have manefesto's, right?

I bought this for camping one year, played one game of the 5 and never opened it again. Turns out only people on tv play games while camping. The rest of us actually just drink beer, eat food and try to sit as physically close to the fire as humanly possible without bursting into flames (and wasting a perfectly good beer).

I think these are from another Halloween costume a few years ago. I'm pretty sure I was a pimp. Or perhaps the ho. Who remembers?

A halo. That oddly enough was not part of the wing costume from above. This was just a halo I had. I wore it to an office Christmas party in which I proceeded to drink 12 bottles of wine. As far as looking stupid goes I needed no help from the halo.

Stripperpalooza set #2. Ride 'em cowboy. Or pay for a lapdance cowboy, as it were.

I bought this on sale at some store and it is by far the coolest thing ever. You hold the end with one hand, pull it back and then let 'er rip. This thing flies FOREVER. It is awesome. I'm pretty sure it was on the discount rack because it had been discontinued when 4 out of 5 children who played with it ended up losing 1 or both of their eyes. Small price to pay for a cool toy, I say.

Ready at a moment's notice for many a sport. Bring it.

My soccer mom chair and also the envy of all fellow campers. This bad boy has a footrest and is probably responsible for my lack of game playing while camping. I could seriously LIVE in this chair and be happy forever. I'm a simple girl, yes, but the footrest is one of the greatest inventions of my time.

This would probably be up there as far as inventions too. This is the inflatable penis/punching bag thingy that I purchased for a bachalorette party many a year ago. I didn't want to keep it in my house because sometimes the before mentioned 10 year old is over there and well, I am just not ready to have the old "6 Foot Punching Pecker" Talk with her yet. But then again, I don't know if I'm ready for the "6 Foot Punching Pecker" Talk with the police man either. "Officer, look, I know that I was speeding in the carpool lane. But I really think of Peter the Penis here as a friend and therefore a fellow passenger. You understand, right? Can I interest you in a softball shirt?"


Patricia said...

ok i said i liked looking in your cupboards (shockingly lacking in veggies and surprisingly laiden with items of the snacking variety). but this glimpse into the backseat and/or trunk of your car was more than a little frightening. your mom is a saint for organizing your stuff in any container other than a dumpster.

The Roommate said...

I believe the word 'issues' to be an understatement. Can you imagine how upset she was when I decided to CLEAN the junk drawer? haha! And, the best of the junk wasn't even referred to... the teddy bear that sits on our kitchen table that is holding a heart. The heart reads, "Shit bitch, you is fine!"

Dean said...

Have you thought of going into the Mobile Garage Sale business?

Chunks said...

I was thinking your trunk seemed an awful lot like Mr. Dressup's trunk, until you got to the pecker! Yikes!

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.