Monday, January 09, 2006

Feel Good Movies of the Year

So then. Another weekend has passed me right by. I’m leaving for my East Coast Adventure (Sponsored by: Thermal Underwear) on Thursday so this weekend wasn’t so much two days of downtime as it was two days of trying to get work done. How did I start this Weekend of Work (Sponsored by: Mountain Dew and Leftover Pizza)? I went to the movies. Yes, I know that that doesn’t seem like a constructive way to spend my time, but I hadn’t been to the movies in weeks, and therefore my soul was melting away. Without a certain amount of movie popcorn in my diet I simply cease to exist. And you can’t get work done if you aren’t existing, right? Right. Thanks for joining me on my Delusional Excuses Trip (sponsored by: Procrastination).

So I went and saw Munich and Brokeback Mountain. And then I tried to throw myself off of the first building I could find. Cause if you are looking for two pick-me-up movies, you might want to look somewhere other than this double feature. Holy world rid of humanity Batman.

So then. I saw Munich first. Considering it was about the bloodshed following the murders of 11 Israeli Olympic athletes in 1972 I probably should have guessed it wasn’t going to be a pick-me-up type of movie. And I would have guessed right. The movie centers around a group of men who have been enlisted by the Israeli government to assassinate several men believed to be responsible for the Olympic murders. They go and kill everyone in sight, blah blah blah. What I found most interesting about this movie, and every movie that takes place in a foreign country – the people speak excellent English. Now I get that it’s an American movie and therefore the filmmakers have everyone speak English, so that we can actually understand what is going on. But I always love how even though they are all speaking English, the characters still have accents. Cause you know, they are from a different country, so they should at least have an accent. This is why stupid Americans travel the world saying, “Do you speak English?” and honestly believe that everyone does. Only with an accent.

After watching Munich and discovering the benefits of revenge and violence, I wandered over to Brokeback Mountain, to learn about the soul-crushing effects of homophobia. Thank god I had my popcorn nearby or else I would have doubted that anything good still existed in the world. Anyone who hasn’t had their head in a microwave for the past 6 months knows that Brokeback Mountain is about the gay cowboys. They fall in love, lead miserable lives of longing and shame, frown a lot, blah blah blah. What I found most interesting about this movie was the previews before it.

Usually previews are put before movies based on the audience of the movie. If you are seeing a horror movie then you are probably going to get some horror movie previews, maybe an action flick with guns, and possibly a raunchy comedy, cause you are probably a guy who is entertained by blood and boobs. If you are seeing a teary drama then you are going to get a preview for a romantic comedy, an independent-y foreign-y type film and maybe a chick flick cause you are most likely a gay man. The people organizing the previews for Brokeback Mountain didn’t really know what the audience for a gay cowboy movie is, as this is probably the first of its genre, unless of course you count the unintentionally gay ones.

So the previews included a movie about a man trying to save a bunch of dogs that are his “family”, a romantic comedy about a black woman who falls in love with a white guy, and a psychological thriller about Jullianne Moore not wearing any makeup. I don’t know where the psychological thriller ties in with the gay drama, but the other two crack me up.

“The people watching this movie will be open to alternative relationships, how bout we give them previews for a movie with an inter-racial couple and the guy that loves dogs?”
“Yes, that’s perfect because a movie about the crushing effect of societal and personal prejudices is pretty much the exact same theme as a woman who is wondering if she should make out with her hot white gardener.”
“Yes, and don’t forget about the dogs. Everyone knows that right after gay marriage is approved it will only be a matter of time before people start trying to marry their dogs.”
“Especially if the dogs can garden.”

So there you go, Dawn’s Completely Useless Movie Reviews. (sponsored by: The Need to Put These Depressing Movies Out of My Head)


Patricia said...

yay! movie hopping has resumed! all's right with the world.

Chunks said...

I want to see Brokeback Mountain too! I checked and it isn't playing in our theatres here anymore or ever? It is hard to say though, since I live in Redneck Country, maybe it hit too close to home for some of the cowboys here and they shut it down? I dunno...I might have to wait till it comes out on DVD.

George Jefferson Clooney said...

If you want to be completely confused by a movie, see Syriana. I would love to hear your rant about that one.