Thursday, July 20, 2006

Crazy Roommate

My roommate has issues. And normally I don’t care about other people’s issues, because they are other people’s issues and therefore not really my problem. When then start becoming my issues? This is when I start having a problem.

The woman has some inability to spend money while in the grocery store. She puts stuff in her cart, thinks about it later, realizes she shouldn’t spend the money on it, then takes it out and puts it back. Again, this isn’t really my issue. And who doesn’t stop every once in awhile to second guess their spending choices? But there simply has to be a limit to this madness. And that limit has to be when it comes to toilet paper.

First of all she is unable to buy any more than a four roll package at a time, because something about spending more money on the bigger packages just doesn’t sit well in her messed up brain. Don’t mind that you are actually spending less per roll when you buy more rolls at one time, she doesn't want to hear it, she has no room for logic in her grocery shopping.

So whenever it is her turn to buy toilet paper here she comes, all proud and accomplished, because she has remembered to replenish our toilet paper. But when you only bring 4 rolls, it hardly even counts. 4 rolls is gone in a ridiculously short amount of time. Which has always seemed weird to me, because I’m not exactly in my house the entire day and when I am in the house I’m not exactly going to the bathroom every 5 minutes. So where the hell is all the toilet paper going? I don’t know. I do know where it’s not coming from though. The Roommate.

Another thing? Not only can she only buy 4 rolls at a time or her world will explode, but she HAS to buy the cheapest kind. This stuff is horrible.

You can actually read a newspaper through it. My good god. Someone do something with this woman.

She is not poor. She has no problem dropping a small fortune on sushi and wine. Yet toilet paper? She can’t quite spring for the extra 30 cents it would cost to keep the toilet paper from barely being able to unroll without disintegrating in my hand.

I’ve talked to the Roommate and she knows that she has a problem, which I think makes it even worse.

“I have to show you something, look at this toilet paper you bought, I can SEE THROUGH IT.”
“I know, isn’t it horrible?”
“If you know it’s horrible why the hell are you buying it?”
“I have a problem.”

And that’s the end of the conversation. Because yes, she has a problem, and no, she sees no reason to try to solve it. This is very unevolved of her and I think Oprah and other trained psychiatric professionals would be very disappointed in her being emotionally stunted on this issue. Me? I would just like to go to the bathroom without feeling like I’m using mere particles of air for toilet paper. I’m a simple girl really, I’m easy to please.

Yet, if my roommate really can’t get the toilet paper thing together then there is a small possibility that she can make it up to me in the form of the before mentioned sushi. It seems we both have issues when it comes to spending money on that.


Patricia said...

dear roommate of dawn,
while i know that saving money is extremely important, i urge you to deal with your barely-there-ply issue. really. money simply must be spent on this necessity. we're talking name brands. giant rolls. economy-sized packages containing words like "ultra" or "cottony" are a must. let mr. whipple be your guide. go ahead. squeeze the charmin. become chums with those crazy quilting gals.

and when it comes to tp: what goes in the cart, stays in the cart.

Laura said...

that is too funny! I am having a similar problem with my roommate. but his thing is that he just won't buy it. so right now we are having a bit of a stand off. I am refusing to continue to buy more toilet paper b/c I have purchased it the last three times and I shop at Costco, so you know it's not a 4 roll deal! His justification is that I use more paper than him, true, I am a girl. But his girlfriend stays the night at least 3 times a week and she uses just as much toilet paper as any other chick, so don't you think this should equal out?? It has been a week and a half without toilet paper! Haha. Don't think that I don't have a secret roll that I take with me only when I have to go. I am sooooo passive aggressive.

stuffed dog lover said...

Some people complain about the gas prices, yet spend $4.75 on a mochalattechinofrappalappadingdong.
is your roomate one of these people too? How can someone who is so funny (re: little stuffed dog hidings) reallly be all that bad?

Chunks said...

Dear Dawn's roommate,

Go to Costco. Buy the big red package of Scott's Brand Toilet paper. It is $17.99 in Canada, so it is about 12 bucks in the states. I bought one and it lasted from February tenth until the end of June. We have three girls in the house. That's savings baby!!

Toilet Paper Professional and someone who loves to buy in Bulk!

Dean said...

Look at it this way. She saved you money because you can also use it as tissue paper for birthday and christmas presents!

Carrie said...

She has basic household issues! ONLY 4 rolls at a time of TP? Yet this is also the person who practices the regular purchasing of the "lifetime supply" bottle of Pinesol. Yes, we have determined you roommate had issues on multiple levels.

tornwordo said...

that was great! i love me a good tp story/rant.

bonnie t said...

LOL - my stomach hurts. Try a simple experiment - buy 4 rolls of your favorite brand and take note of how long the rolls last, then switch to her 4 rolls and repeat timing experiment. If your rolls last 2 times longer - then yeaaaa - you and your roommate are both extending TP purchases. If she has half a brain she will see the logic in this and hopefully be convinced to switch to your brand