Monday, June 20, 2005

Dance Baby

Oh. My. God. Thanks to a VCR error I somehow taped two episodes of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ this week. Oh. My. God. Are you people watching this show? You need to watch this show. It is my new favorite show. Seriously. I love it.

I think this show might have been made just for me. Since Johnny took Baby out of the corner and picked her up like a ragdoll on the dance floor I have been waiting patiently for more dancing to once again entertain me. It’s been quite a long wait. Those Gap ads a few years ago with the swing dancing did a little to hold me over, but Patrick Swayze is now in his 50’s and I’m in need of some good dance routines.

To my rescue comes the various B list "stars" cha cha-ing across my TV screen. And man are they entertaining. How entertained am I?

Let me count the ways:

1. I am quite entertained that someone actually convinced Evander Holyfield to do this show. On what planet does it seem like a good idea to put a 250 pound athlete in a yellow cummerbund? I’m not saying that Evander’s repeated blows to the head had anything to do with his new affinity for high kicks, but I am thinking that he might want to aim one of those kicks towards his publicist.

2. How awful are the songs that these people dance to? I love them. They are a cross between elevator music and kereoke. I’m not sure why they couldn’t use the actual songs and instead had to go with bizarre cover songs. Maybe it had something to do with getting the rights. But I’d think it would be more difficult to get the rights to butcher a song than it would be to just play the original.

3. Tom Bergeron is the host of this show. He started out on TV as the host of Hollywood Squares. This presents a "chicken or egg" type question: Does Bergeron go where the B-list celebs go or do they follow him? We may never know.

4. Sequins!!

5. Dude. Two of the dancers did a Tango to a Britney Spears song. I kid you friggin not. That was it. That was when I was absolutely SOLD on this show. A Britney Spears’ song dance routine that does not involve dry humping a back-up dancer? This is innovative television.

6. Has anybody noticed how bendy Rachel Hunter is? Every routine I’ve seen her and her partner do involves her with her knee up to her nose at at least one point. I can’t blame the girl, if I were that bendy I’d probably do the splits on a regular basis as well – just cause I could. As it is I try to fit at least one pirouette into my daily routine.

7. The announcer says, "There is everything to dance for." without a hint of sarcasm.

8. Joey McIntyre – of New Kids on the Block fame – is one of the dancers. I had this guys’ poster up on my wall for the better part of 3 years in elementary school. Now he is on my TV every week dancing? Man. This is exciting stuff. Do you think the rest of the "Kids" may show up and do one final "Hangin’ Tough" routine? If Joey was in it to win it, he’d make that happen.

9. I love the The Behind the Scenes parts of the show. They need more of these. Maybe even more of these and less actual dancing. I mean, Dirty Dancing was an hour and a half of Behind the Scenes and then like three minutes of the big dance. Oooo, do you think any of these couples are going to practice in a pond? That would be awesome.

10. Seriously, they did a Tango to Britney.


Tom Bergeron said...

You need serious help. First you try to convince us to watch The Amazing Race, now this tripe. I'm really concerned for you...

Harris Bloom said...

Patrick Swayze's in his 50's?

Say it ain't so

Evander Holyfield said...

Maybe you should stay on the set. I'm worried if you stop working your muscles will cease and we'll find you laying on a sofa, remote dangling from hand with a line of drool dangling and a wee smile on your face...