Closed Captioning

So. I’m trying ever so hard to come up with things to blog about everyday. This is not easy when you are working 8745 jobs. Because, “Man, did that yellow come out BRIGHT on that brochure!” is just not that entertaining (especially considering we printed 18,000 of them). And frankly that yellow is about as colorful as things are getting in the Land O’ Graphic Design that I call my life. Let’s just say I’m not getting out much.

But I am still procrastinating with vigor. Which is why I still have fun things to tell you about TV. Cause the TV is like one foot from my computer and it literally calls out to me, begging to be turned on, so that it can share all its wonder with me. And who am I to ignore my TV? I mean, I am PAYING for cable, and it would be just wasteful to not actually watch it on a regular basis. No one likes waste. (or really BRIGHT yellow on a brochure, by the way)

As I’ve mentioned a million times before, I don’t hear so well. Even though my ears have little microphones in them they still sometimes have trouble deciphering all the noise that is coming into them. So, I keep closed captioning on my TV at all times, and the whole television world is like one big foreign, subtitled film for me. Except without the nudity. Which is a shame.

I use the closed captioning as a crutch basically. Generally, with the help of the little microphones, I can hear what is being said, but it is nice to be able to glance down at the closed captioning just to make sure. But sometimes I think that the people typing the closed captioning don’t really understand that not only completely deaf people are using the captions. Because sometimes they don’t so much write exactly what is being said. Usually it’s not that big of a deal, if it’s off, it’s still pretty close. Sometimes in live TV it’s fun to read the misspellings and misinterpretations that come across the screen, because the person is having to type so quickly to keep up with the live show. Some misinterpretations are so bad that I wonder if the closed captioning typers might actually have slight hearing problems themselves. Which would be poetic. In a way.

Last night I was watching my beloved Gilmore Girls (which should probably be watched with closed captioning by everyone, because they talk so damn fast that it’s nearly impossible for your brain to take it all in without the help of visual aides) and Lorelai is pondering some great mystery while her TV plays in the background. I can hear the person on the TV and they are talking about interest rates or something of the sort. But the closed captioning reads:

“Chuck, you heard what those guys had to say, how do you weigh in?-- The only thing, given what has happened the last two months, that might surprise me is if a spacecraft landed in front of the state capitol in Sacramento, and an alien got out and asked for a driver’s license.”

Huh? That wasn’t even CLOSE to what they were saying. Can the closed captioning people just do that? Make up entirely different words? Isn’t that against some sort of copyright law or something? What if the reporter talking about interest rates on the TV holds hidden meaning and importance in the lives of my Gilmores? It could happen.

And is anyone else freaked out that this show takes place in some made up town on the east coast but the TV person just HAPPENED to be talking about the city where I live? And talking about the state capitol that is mere blocks from my house? And talking about ALIENS! Dude, the aliens should really know better than to try to communicate with me while I’m watching Gg. As soon as I get back to my work I’d be more than happy to chat. In fact, I could really use an abduction right about now.