A Conversation with My Landlord

“Dawn, this is Maaargaret.”
“Hello Margaret, how are you?”
“Well, I am calling to tell you that we are putting your house up for sale.”
“Oh, that’s not good. Will I have to move out?”
“Probably not, whoever buys it will probably want to keep tenants.”
“Why are you putting it up for sale?”
“Well, I’m 80 years old. And nobody likes landlords.”
“Really.”
“And it’s hard finding good tenants, you know.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“I mean, no one has good credit.”
Me, with the worst credit ever says: “I know, we hate people with bad credit.”
“And they don’t have jobs.”
“Yes, people with bad credit very rarely have jobs.”
“And they are alcoholics.”
“Yes, I’m sure bad credit and alcoholism are related.”
“I don’t want alcoholics living in my houses.”
“I understand.”
“But I can’t ask if they are alcoholics.”
“I could see how that might be frowned upon.”
“Or drug addicts.”
“Uh huh.”
“But I can look at their credit.”
“Which helps you figure out the rest.”
“Yes.”
“So when are you selling the house?”
“Well, we haven’t even listed it yet, but I wanted you to know, because we might be having people come by to look at it. Would that be okay? We’d give you advanced warning.”
“Sure that’s fine. Just let me know, so that I can clean up my meth lab before they come over.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just a little poor credit humor.”
“Well, there was one lady who said we could look at her whole house except her bathroom.”
“Well, that’s where the alcoholics store all their liquor, usually.”
“Right, I didn’t know that.”
“Stick with me, I’ll teacha.”