Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Have Seen it All

Tonight I helped my young cousin carve her pumpkin. It was cute and peaceful and a holiday tradition that we’ve shared the past few years. Oh it was quite a moment. I even took a picture:

Looks like normal good times with the kid, right? Reminds you of when you were a kid, carving pumpkins and getting into the spirit of Halloween and what not.

Except when we were kids I just don’t quite remember our pumpkins being made out of styrofoam. Do you?

Yeah. Today marks the day that I have officially seen it all. A styrofoam pumpkin complete with three little carving knives and a light to put inside when you are done carving.

I’m really torn on this one. Part of me thinks that it’s atrocious that Halloween has been so commercialized that we cannot even be bothered to go experience the joy of a pumpkin patch anymore. We as a society have forgotten the small, innocent things that made the holiday great: Carving into a new pumpkin, gutting it with our bare hands and turning it into a piece of artwork for all the neighborhood to see. It was tradition. It was a staple of the holiday. It was American.

But then again, it was also really, really messy. And more often than not my “artwork” quickly became more “abstract” as it was thrown in the street by rebellious teenagers. I suppose the holiday could survive without pumpkin guts strewn on the neighbors’ cars. And speaking of the holiday, I just remembered that Halloween has always been commercialized. Unlike other holidays Halloween doesn’t even try to pretend like it exists for any reason other than to get us to spend money and eat too many sweets. Halloween doesn’t bother with any of those silly “spending time with family” or “go to church” obligations like other holidays. It’s all about “you have to buy these little boxes of Junior Mints” and “put on a wig and drink a lot of alcohol for no real reason beyond the fact that everyone else is doing it”.

Come to think of it I think Halloween would be proud that someone finally thought to cut out the pumpkin patch and put the styrofoam pumpkins right next to the Junior Mints. This will save loads of time in not only purchasing, but also carving and clean-up. Bringing the holiday one step closer to requiring absolutely no effort whatsoever. Now, if only I could get the trick o’ treaters to bring the candy to ME, I’d be all set.

Here is a look inside the mighty pumpkin. Notice the texturing of the walls. Cause if you’re buying a styrofoam pumpkin it had BETTER look real to the naked eye. How disappointed are the neighborhood kids going to be when they throw this pumpkin and it just bounces down the street?


Patricia said...

this is just wrong. slimy, gooey pumpkin guts are part of the deal. someone should lead a boycott of the damn things so that the company goes out of business. i'd do it but i'm busy manufacturing styrofoam easter eggs.

Frankenweenie said...

Are you seriously telling me that someone has created this because they think it's cruel and unusual punishment to gut a pumpkin and carve a face in it? I mean, I get the whole artificial christmas tree thing, but come on man!!! Do they make fake styrofoam guts as well? I think we know what is next...styro-turkey.

Anonymous said...

When I looked at the first picture, I wondered why the kid's arms weren't orange from the pumpkin. And why was she allowed to carve that pumpkin with that beautiful WHITE robe.

Styrofoam! Who would have thought. Take it from a mom who had to clean up after real pumpkins (and they didn't last long in the heat either--gross! remember how they would start to sag), this is a GREAT idea.--