Twinkie, Part Two

It’s 1:45 a.m., I’ve been working since the last time it was a.m. hours and I am still not done. So I don’t have time to blog. But I do have time to eat Twinkies. And I have time to share with you an e-mail I received today in response to my Twinkie blog:

“ This weekend I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond, returning items from our registry and purchasing those we didn’t receive, not that this information is really crucial to why I’m emailing, but you do need to know where I was shopping. So, I’m walking down the aisle and what do I see…..you got it…..a homemade Twinkie machine. Can you believe it? No longer do you have to spend the ridiculous time in the grocery store waiting in lines to only come home with a case of hostess Twinkies, but you could instead make them from the comfort of your own home. Now I must confess I didn’t spend any time researching the whole item, only because two other customers were wooing over it and at some point I thought they may have been your relatives wanting to purchase yet another quirky gift for you, and I didn’t want to be gone too long as I had a severely hung-over husband at home whom I told I was simply running to the store to get him Gatorade and greasy Jimboy’s tacos. So here’s what I’m going to do for you, my dear friend Dawn…the next time I’m shopping, I’ll do more research on this unbelievable item and if it’s as good as the two women who were gawking over it seem to have made it, you may have this item mysteriously appear under your Christmas tree in December. It would be a perfect addition to your collection of tuna helper, mountain dew and bags o salad. What a combo?

Good luck with your Malaria. ”

Then when one of my 85 jobs today took me to the workplace of this dear friend she handed me this picture:

How much fun is this? So much fun. Here is the description of the product:

Hostess Twinkies® Brand Bake Set
Now you can make your favorite treat at home with this fun Twinkies® baking kit. Easily bake up some fun with this complete kit that creates Twinkie shaped mini cakes. Go traditional or stir things up by creating your own original cake and filling combination. Set includes hi-temp spatula, non-stick baking pan for eight Twinkies, ICING INJECTOR, Twinkies container and a bonus recipe booklet. Baking pan is dishwasher safe. Not suitable for children under the age of 6.

I wonder if there is any way to just purchase the icing injector. I imagine I would be just fine with only that part of the package. Cause the rest of it sounds like I might have to bake or at the very least turn something up to a “hi-temp”, and that doesn’t sound like fun. That sounds like cooking. And the whole point of the Twinkie is that I don’t cook, I just eat Twinkies. If I were to take up cooking one would hope it would be in an attempt to create something that didn’t involve an icing injector. But then again, if one knew me at all they probably wouldn’t have any hopes when it comes to my cooking.

On a side, but extremely startling note: when I was searching the internet for the above picture I came across an alarming headline:

“Future iffy for Twinkie maker”

HOLY CRAP! Apparently the Twinkie guys filed bankruptcy cause they have too many union people working for them (if I could somehow become part of the Icing Injector’s Union I would quite possibly just keel over and die, for my life would have reached its pinnacle). Also the Twinkie guys have “been hurt by the popularity of diet plans like Atkins and South Beach, which have recently cut into its sales of white bread and snack cakes.” Yeah. Cause up until Atkins everyone thought mass Twinkie consumption was a great idea. Uh huh.

So now that I see that the future of my snack cakes is in jeopardy I know that I must go down to Bed, Bath and Beyond and pick up the Twinkie Maker tomorrow. (I’m thinking the Twinkie Maker must fall in the “Beyond” category, and I’m thinking they might be a little too all-inclusive in the “Beyond” category when “Icing Injector” and a Twinkie dressed as a cowboy are included)

With any luck the purchase will not only insure that I am never without a Twinkie, it will also help me practice for the inevitable testing process that will occur when I apply to be part of the Icing Injector’s Union.