It’s Only December 1st

I don’t know if I can make it until Christmas without hurting someone. It’s only December 1st and I’ve already had several homicidal urges towards merry people. As you can see, my Zen state that came as a result of bettering myself and the world has started to fade away. Excessive exposure to Christmas carols will kick the crap out of a Zen state.

Last night my roommate and I went to eat dinner and could not find a parking spot anywhere near our restaurant. Why? Because the auditorium across the street was having a HUGE event. It was a holiday SPECTACULAR! It was called “An Evening in December”. Last night was November 30th. Because why wait until December for a holiday event, really? Are 25 days enough time to fit in all of our holiday joy? Apparently not.

Then tonight I met friends at Starbucks. As I entered I noticed a small tent had been set up outside where the outside tables usually sit. I figured the tent was merely a way to keep people warm and not lose that extra seating. Once inside I ordered my small (not Tall, because I absolutely refuse to succumb to their need to reinvent the words “small”, “medium” and “large”) hot chocolate (I don’t do coffee, I do Mountain Dew) and a blueberry thingy. The very festive guy behind the counter said my total was $1.95. I said, that can’t be right, I got a hot chocolate too. He said, “All tall drinks are free tonight, because we are having a Holiday Party.” To which I replied, “Well, then I’ll take 12 hot chocolates.” “Well, you can only have one. But,” he adjusted the pointy santa hat that was sticky off the side of his head, “we have carolers. And we have crafts. And snow.” And then he proceeded to go join the group of sorority girls for a rather expansive selection of Christmas carols. I peeked outside and noticed that my warming tent was actually full of snow and (this is California) people merely standing on it as well as taking pictures of it with their camera phones (it was 70 degrees here last week, we don’t see a lot of snow). After I found a seat amongst the party-goers I was quickly offered a free bag of holiday coffee and a holiday cookie by a woman dressed like an elf. The rest of the seating was taken up by the carolers, people making handmade Christmas cards, and, I kid you friggin’ not, some sort of Jewish bible study group. Do Jewish people study the bible? Hell if I know. But they were all talking very seriously about various religious Jewish things. From what I could hear between “Had a very shiny nose!”

People. It’s only December 1st today. And I’ve already been to a Christmas party with carolers, snow, elves and Martha Stewart-caliber crafts. I imagine the rest of the month is just going to be downhill from here. But then again, I’m planning on going to Taco Bell tomorrow, who knows what kind of extravaganza awaits my merry heart there…