"Last year we had snow, freezing rain and David, Sheila and Treva were stuck in DC…"How is that helpful to anyone? I mean really. "Freezing rain"? Isn’t that what snow is? I wouldn’t know, I’ve only seen it on TV and even then I’m pretty sure it’s more "shredded styrofoam" than "freezing rain".
My mother, being helpful and concerned about her only child dying an awful death, offered to buy me a "big ass coat". Which is nice. But what the hell am I going to do with this "big ass coat" once I return to "warm ass California"? Seems like a bit of a waste to me.
Although I have been bundling up lately when walking to the office of one of my clients. Every time I embark on the three block journey I end up looking like that kid from Christmas story, you know the one, the waddler kid that falls in the snow and then can’t get back up? That’s me. Except there is no snow, just an occasional puddle. REALLY deep puddles. And it's uphill both ways. Of course. I usually end up shedding half of the layers about two blocks into the journey, cause it’s not really that cold and I just wanted an excuse to wear the 564 hats and scarves my mom has knitted me since retiring. Any day that is remotely chilly gets a hat and a scarf. Damn do I look cute. Even as I’m sweating.
So I’m thinking that I’ll be wearing all 564 hats and scarves at the same time while I’m enduring "freezing rain" in DC. By the time I get up to NY they might be frozen together to form one big hat/scarf combo, with my sad little face peaking out between them.
Can we just recap on my intelligence level the past few months when making vacation plans? Two week vacation spent digging ditches and avoiding malaria in Honduras. 5 days spent avoiding hypothermia while learning how to lead other ditch diggers. Cause it’s obvious that I’m the type of person you should follow, right? Riiiiiiight.