RIP

In keeping with the theme of December my phone died today. Obviously it was feeling out of place, being one of the few electronic devices I own that was still alive. It is kinda like “Where the Red Fern Grows”, in that my electronic equipment can’t stand to go on when the other things have died. Which I guess I can understand. Today, when the keypad half of my phone was vibrating and the ear/listen part of my phone was in another room I too felt like it wasn’t worth going on.

I had to answer the phone and speak into the speaker, “I can only talk, I can’t hear, call me back at a different number, cause I can’t call you back cause I can’t get to my phone numbers and I of course have none written down anywhere.”

I’m so savvy, it’s ridiculous.

I think it might be time to get the insurance on my phone. This is about the 7th phone I’ve had in my life. They just FLY out of my hand. I think they are factory-rigged to do just that, forcing me to spend more and more money on my inevitable brain tumor. It’s all quite a conspiracy, if you ask me. (And if you want to ask me you’re going to have to send a courier pigeon, as I can’t actually hear out of my phone.)

This phone purchase will be one of many that I’ve made this holiday season. That’s normal right? Except I don’t know if it’s normal to spend as much money as I’ve spent this past month and yet still only have two presents under my tree. (One of those is really just a cool box that someone gave ME and the other is some knitting that I had my mom do for a friend.) Which means that I, ahem, have still yet to do any Christmas shopping. But I have bought myself an exorbitant amount of gifts for no reason other than I know I’m supposed to be spending money around this time of year, and I wouldn't want to let Jesus down. It appears as though I’m just a wee bit misguided on the spirit of the season. Whatever. Plenty of time! I have a feeling a lot of people are going to be getting theoretical Christmas presents from me this year. “Look, here is a picture of what I fully intend on buying you as soon as the stores stop frightening me with their masses of people.”

I’m so savvy, it’s ridiculous.