Wednesday, December 21, 2005

U be gone

So I got a new phone. I talked myself out of getting the $500 PDA, because it just seemed ridiculous. Who do I think I am that I need to pay $50 a month so that I can get e-mails while in the bathroom? That just doesn’t seem sanitary.

So I picked a low-priced phone, got all my numbers transferred over and I thought I was in business. I mean, I didn’t get a phone that I can watch the nightly news on (actual ability of phones), but I thought I had all the bases covered as far as calling and receiving calls, right? Not so much. Cause apparently I didn’t read the fine print of the phone which stated that the phone wasn’t so much meant for RECEIVING calls. Yeah. It doesn’t ring. Well, it rang a couple times, just to let me know that it COULD ring if it wanted to, it was just choosing NOT to. It does periodically let me know that I have messages though, which is a nice feature. It’s kinda like having a personal assistant, cause I never actually have to answer my phone. I heart technology.

And it hearts me as well. Today the “U” button of my laptop decided to pop off. For no apparent reason. Cause that’s what happens around me lately. Popping. Exploding. Destruction. I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if the “F” button popped off with the “U”, cause it’s quite obvious the techno-gods are screwing with me.

And speaking of technology, I really think that the advertisements on the internet have gone too far. Advertisements in any medium have gone too far in my opinion, what with people merrily discussing Viagra and herpes and foot fungus while they engage in various slow motion jogging and celebrations. But somehow on the internet the ads seem a little worse, because they sorta sneak up on you. Sometimes your banner ad has a of french fries, sometimes it’s a picture of your mortgage rate faaaalllling, and sometimes it has the words “vaginal” and “ring”. And it’s at those times that you wonder if this is what Al Gore was intending when he invented the internet.

Today as I was clicking to an e-mail message I caught the words “vaginal ring” out of the corner of my eye. I actually caught it as the page was turning, so I went back, just to make sure I saw that right. I did. While the location of the ring was apparent the purpose of the ring was not. So I pushed on the ad to see what this ring was all about. Oh dear lord. It’s some sort of birth control that I really don’t want to detail right now, but if you are interested you can check it out here: But beware, the thing has music. Cause nothing says birth control like a little upbeat pop ditty. Can you imagine? Cause let’s do all we can to make others aware that you are in search of new birth control. You randomly push on this link at work and all of a sudden your speakers are blaring and people come over to see what it is that you are listening to and what do they find? Vaginal Ring. Nice. That’ll look good on the review.

That was a bit of a tangent, I’m sorry. I’m trying to get out all my thoughts before the rest of my keys fall off the keypad and I’m only able to communicate in morse code. And I didn’t want to have to figure out what the code for “vaginal ring” would be, so I thought I’d go ahead and blog about it now.


Anonymous said...

Apparently, (unbeknown to us) the end of the year also coincides with the end of the life for many of our technologically inclined buddies. I guess they also feel the need to be born-again in the true spirit of the holidays.

Chunks said...

Perhaps you should burn some sage or something, to get rid of all the bad jinx-y electronic/techno-karma.

(Say that three times fast!)

What kind of phone did you get? I need one that doesn't receive calls!

Patricia said...

a phone that doesn't ring. nifty!

as for your keyboard. the "f" preceeding the "u" would've been priceless. i believe you have what's known as an ouija keyboard. if numbers start flying, write them down and get them to a lottery agent immediately.

Jenn said...

I wish my phone would stop ringing. I hate the damn thing. :) My mother did that "theoretical gift" thing once. She honestly wrapped a photo of a gift with a note that said, "I O U" - it's a good thing she had her 'U' key.