Thursday, May 18, 2006

I Still Don’t Idol

Here we are, once again at the end of another American Idol season. The country is abuzz with Idol chatter and whatnot. And once again, I’ve missed the whole damn season. Every season I think I’m going to get on the Idol bandwagon, I’m going to be a good American and dedicate three nights a week to watching people sing songs from decades past. But then after about two weeks I get bored. Or I get other plans. Or something. I don’t know. But I’ve never watched the Idol all the way through.

You know what’s great about the Idol though? I’ve never watched it and I know who has won every season, and I’d probably be able to identify quite a few of the former contestants. Because during the season they are EVERYWHERE. American’s love some Idol. Me, not so much.

I try, I really do. But first of all I refuse to watch the show live, Fox has a way of taking up at least half the show with pointless things like commercials and background stories. I don’t particularly care about either of these things, so I usually end up Tivo-ing the show and fast forwarding to the songs. But see, I think there is a reason that Fox fills half the time with ads and clip packages, cause if you just listen to the songs? You kinda want to kill yourself after about three.

The singers are just so damn earnest and cheeseball and Hollywood and they are singing these songs that are equally earnest and cheeseball and Hollywood. And don’t even get me started on the weird background video stuff they have going on behind them. I’m thinking people on hallucinogens must LOVE Idol.

Another thing is that I’m not all that impressed with the singers anymore. I used to think being able to sing really well was a really rare talent (cause I didn’t have it, I figured it must be REALLY rare) but after watching 5 or whatever seasons of Idol with roughly 32,000 people performing on it, I’ve come to realize that being able to sing is hardly an extraordinary thing. So frankly the show kinda bores me. Now if we had kids on stage who were performing music THEY’D actually written? I might be a little more impressed. Cause that’s where real music comes from, someone’s heart, not from Kereoke. But then again, I doubt “Songs I Wrote While Considering Suicide” would be a popular Theme Night on Idol.

So there you go, that’s my take on Idol. I can’t tell you how excited I am that next week once again 400 teenagers throughout the land will call Fox 42 million times and decide who will be the next American Idol. Will it be the grey-haired guy or the brunette chick? I’m voting for the grey-haired guy cause he’s kinda a spaz, right? I love how record execs must be freaking out at the possibility of the grey-haired guy winning. The marketing departments alone must be having panic attacks over what the hell they are going to do with this guy when he puts out his CD featuring Ray Charles covers and the occasional epileptic fit captured on tape as he wrestles with his harmonica. Kelly Clarkson this guy is not. And even though he is cheesy I don’t think he even has the “Manilow-ness” that little gay Clay has. Hopefully there is a big harmonica audience out there that is just looking to be tapped.

Do you see how much I just wrote on a show I don’t even watch? Damn Idol.


tornwordo said...

But more importantly, why are you writing about it at four in the morning? lol

Chunks said...

I don't watch Idol either. American OR Canadian. I did go to a concert featuring Kalan Porter, our last Canadian Idol and I tell you, you could hardly hear him SING for all the young girls screaming. I wanted to kill myself.

Kelly Clarkson is really the only Idol I have thoroughly enjoyed. Everyone else? Not so much.

Dean said...

Last week I went over to my parents house and was shocked to find them watching American Idol.
My Mom said, "Oh we watch it all the time."

I figured it was an invasion of the body snatchers thing, as I have never had an interest in watching it myself.

For my Idol updates, I come here.

Patricia said...

i don't do idol, either. but i'm impressed that your tivo lets you watch it. very white bread of it.