The thing with hearing aides is they help you hear what you otherwise could not. But see, there are like three pitches of sound that I can hear fine without hearing aides. And whenever that pitch is made audible I am basically just a person with microphones in her ears, trying desperately to unplug them before her eardrums explode. If you are interested in knowing what pitches I can hear you do not have to consult any of my medical files. You only have to look here:
Oh dear lord.
The child I am tending to this week just LOVES her this instrument. If you can call it that. Cause instruments make music, this thing does not. And I don’t think it’s just because the child has the musical talent of a drunk walrus, I don’t think this “instrument” could EVER make a pleasant sound. And believe me, it’s had plenty of chances to come through with one or two pleasant sounds this weekend. It was unable to perform.
Have you ever wondered what “Mary Had a Little Lamb” would sound like if sung by a cat in heat that was being sawed in half? Cause I actually have a frame of reference on that.
The word “Fun” may in fact be the overstatement of the millennium.
You know what is fun? This:
You know when I took this picture? During a lovely performance of “Mary Had a Sawed In Half Cat”. Do you notice where the ears are? Not in my ears. And there you have the real miracle of the hearing aides: Just as they bring the world into my ears they can just as quickly make the world go very quiet. Hearing impairment makes parenting a lot easier, everyone should try it.
In other impairment news:
The child apparently has a Keeping Fish Alive impairment. It afflicts many a child. This fish tank was the home of a fish with a fro just a short while ago. And now nothing but bubbles remain. So very sad. I will have you know that the fish died before I came on duty and therefore nothing has perished on my watch. Yet.
The instrument may take an unfortunate tumble while I’m here though...