Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Worst Mom Ever

I’m officially the worst mom ever. It has been made very apparent that I cannot take care of a child. Perhaps I need a nanny.

My main graphics job is for a political consulting business, I do all that political mail that comes in the mailbox and is immediately thrown away by people. It’s quite a rewarding job. And as you can imagine it is quite a seasonal job, what with there only being a couple times a year that things get voted on. One of those times of year? In two weeks. 3344564 pieces of mail? Need to be designed this week. Time the kid is home from school? 3:30. Oy. I’ve yet to beat her home. She calls me every day when she gets home to remind me that she is alive and I’ve committed to taking care of her, yet I am not at the home to make sure that she is alive.

Yesterday I was still at work when she got home so she called to inquire as to when I might be making an appearance. I told her that she might have to go down the street to a nice neighbor lady’s house who had offered to watch her if I needed help. The child was not thrilled with this plan. I then called the neighbor-lady and she said that she had planned on going to a tea party, but that the child could come with her. I then called the child back and braced myself for the onslaught that was sure to come when I told her she had to go to a tea party with an elderly woman because I couldn’t make it home in time.

“I’m not going.”
“You have to go.”
“I’m not going. I’ll be fine here. I’ve stayed home alone before. I’m fine.”
“What if something happens to you?”
“Dawn, I have a phone, I’ll call someone if something happens. I’m not going to a friggin’ tea party. I thought tea parties were for little girls, why is an old woman going?”
“It’s a social thing.”
“I don’t feel social.”

Fine. I let her stay home and then I rushed through work and rushed home and rushed in to make sure she was still alive. She just barely survived. You never know what tragedies could have befallen her while she was coloring and cutting construction paper. Scissors are not a toy! When I arrived she asked, “Can we go to the pet store and get a new fish?” Well-played child, well-played. Knowing that I was bursting with guilt over abandoning her she put in a request for something, because everyone knows that parental guilt usually gets you at least one trip to one store.

We bought the damn fish. Yet another fish will meet its demise because I couldn’t make it home in time from work. The circle of life.

So my mom is coming today and watching the kid for the rest of the week. I am up to my ass in work and I have a big deadline for the book on Monday. I’ve thrown up the white flag, I need the reserves to be brought in. I am officially the worst mom ever. But everyone knows - it takes a village. Or it at least takes one retired person who can be here when the kid gets home.


heathwbeb said...

you funny.

Anonymous said...

Seriously.......I think she needs to take care of you! :)

Chunks said...

Welcome to the land of motherhood where there is chaos and guilt a'plenty!

Seriously, as long as there are wackos out there like Susan Smith, we can all hold our heads high. Now she was the WORST mother EVER.

Ever see the show "Crash Test Mommy"? This is what this reminds me of....

Patricia said...

yay for mom!

what's the new fish's hair like?