Monday, August 28, 2006

Mail

Does my mortgage company know something I don’t? Literally like every day I get a letter in the mail telling me all about mortgage insurance and that I NEED it RIGHT NOW, in case I DIE. And I’m not exaggerating the caps here:

Do I really need the word “die” in all caps to fully understand the enormity of the word? “Well, I was thinking that the whole dying thing was really not that big of a deal, but then I saw that my mortgage company put it in bold caps and I realized perhaps I should be taking it a little more seriously.” Whatever. Why are they sending me these things every damn day? Do they think that increases my chances of actually calling them? Do they realize that even if I was thinking about calling them that after letter number 3 they lost any hope of me ever calling?

Another thing that is coming in my mailbox everyday? Pleas for me to save the world with my checkbook. See, I tend to donate money to random things when I am so inspired or see a very special episode of Oprah or something. Somehow in donating this money I landed myself on the Bleeding Hearts Mailing List. Wow. It’s a fun list. Doesn’t make you want to kill yourself because the world is such crap and in need of roughly 400 billion charities to try to save it.

I get letters from all the major illnesses, many sad children and the occasional celebrity speaking on behalf of the illnesses or sad children. I do not open these letters because I am a homeowner now and they weren’t exactly off-base by putting me on a Bleeding Hearts Mailing List. If I were to open all of these pleas for my money, along with their horrific, yet inspiring pictures, I would be completely broke by next week sometime. But on the upside I would have some very lovely pens and t-shirts to commemorate my spending spree. So not all would be lost.

3 comments:

tornwordo said...

They tried to (really, really hard) sell us life insurance for the mortgage too. I kept saying, but if I die, everything goes to him automatically right? They said "yes, but what if you both die?". And I said, "if we both die, what do I care what happens to the property?"

They didn't have much of an answer for that one.

Patricia said...

the day after i closed on my house, i started getting offers to refinance my mortgage. the stuff arrived almost daily. also included were every window, lawncare and pest control company in my city.

i don't know if the realtors sell the information or the title people or if all these people are so eager that they watch the listings of sold properties or what.

but for all the junk mail i'm getting, i'm quite certain a small forest is sacrificed. you probably know that though, with all the mail you get on saving the environment.

Travis said...

Finally a good use for feng shui. Put your mailbox in your purse and then set your purse on the ground and watch all the junk mail flow out. Right? :)