Nothing But Noodles

I can’t really think of anything to write about today. And it’s 2 a.m. and I need to go to bed, so I went online, trying to find something to talk about. Because the internet is nothing if not the perfect place to find random-ass things to talk about.

And there, listed as a “Top Story” was this headline: “World's Oldest Noodles Found in China”. It was right below headlines about the Pakistan earthquake and the New Orleans police scandal, and ABOVE a headline about the Supreme Court nominee. And it probably says something about me that I totally ignored any of those other, actually newsworthy pieces of news to investigate this intriguing (and very “top story-y”) tale of ancient pasta.

Turns out some people (aka: people who really need to find a more rewarding hobby than trying to find old noodles) found some really old noodles in an overturned bowl at some archeological site in China. And this is apparently very exciting to someone, somewhere. Because there is nothing else going on in the world to concentrate on, at all. Plenty of time for Phd-educated individuals to be digging for noodles. So then.

This noodle discovery is throwing Italy for a loop because, uh, they are ITALY for God’s sake, they ARE pasta. That would be like someone digging in Russia and finding an ancient mullet on the skeleton of a man embracing his cousin – Arkansas would be PISSED.

Despite Italy’s desire to maintain their noodle superiority the digger people said, "This is the earliest empirical evidence of noodles ever found. Archaeological evidence suggests that even though wheat was present in northwestern China 4,500 to 5,000 years ago, it was not commonly cultivated until much later,"

Seriously people. Are we SERIOUSLY devoting time to this? Who friggin’ CARES about what was going on with wheat 5,000 years ago? I really think our obsession with carbohydrates has gone too far this time.

A picture, courtesy of whatever website I stole it from:

Do you think it’s sad that ancient civilizations are producing more food in the present day than I am? I’m gonna go start digging in my backyard. Maybe I’ll find something from 200 B.C. that I can heat up for lunch tomorrow.