Entertained

Uhhh, I just tuned in for the confetti and tears portion of Idol. And all 500 million of you people who voted for that girl (actually just 7 teenage girls in Arkansas who have been speed dialing since last night) are smoking some of Bo’s crack. Cause that girl can’t sing for poo. She’s cute though. And that’s all Britney Spears needed, so maybe this girl will be okay. As long as she can master that hair whip thing Britney does she should be fine. I’m thinking that Blond Singer just choked on her last song, cause she was so emotional. Or because she was afraid of what may happen if one spark from that pyrotechnic effect landed on the gallon of hair spray covering her golden locks.

If Bo would have won he would have sung great, cause the stress of this situation would have failed in comparison to his nine drug arrests. After you’ve had a knee in the back of your head, pushing your face into gravel you tend to develop a higher tolerance for stress. He would have won, french kissed Paula, thrown Ryan Seacrest across the stage, lit a cigarette on the pyrotechnics and then stage dove into the crowd. But he would have crashed to the floor, because he’s teenage fan base would have already moved on to the next Super Hot Hotty.

In other pop culture news I haven’t seen Star Wars. Honestly I could give a poop about Star Wars. I know, I know, with my lack of both Star Wars and Idol enthusiasm it is a very good possibility that I will be deported. I’m sure there is something in the Patriot Act that would make my deportation legal.

You know what I did see this weekend? The musical The Lion King. I may be a theater dork but I’ll tell you one thing: George Lucas spent hundreds of millions of dollars and many years of his life trying to create the exact feeling that the audience gets during the first five minutes of Lion King. If you get the chance, go see it. Just the first five minutes. That’s all you need to renew your faith in entertainment. See if you can get some sort of discounted ticket. Go in. Watch the entire theater turn into a stage, watch the kids put down their hand held video games and stare in awe, take bets on whether the dude on the stilts is going to fall.

In fact, in the spirit of ‘From Justin to Kelly’ I think Disney should get to work on a new musical for Bo and Blond Singer. It could be a cross between Cops and Wizard of Oz. Blond Singer will hit the yellow brick road with her delinquent husband who is on the lam from the authorities. They will survive only on their love and the occasional cover song and dance number. I know it sounds like a crazy idea, but the storyline did wonders for Britney’s career – so it should work well for the Idols as well.

I smell Tony Award!!