Monday, May 30, 2005


So I have good news and bad news.

Good news: After 48 hours of pretty much doing nothing but sleeping I think I’ve finally caught up on my rest.

Bad news: It is now 12 a.m. on Sunday (well, Monday) and I’m not the least bit tired…which might make tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. a little unpleasant.

This has always been a problem for me - the whole planning for an early morning thing. I remember when I was a kid my parents would advise me at the end of summer to start getting up earlier the week before school started, so that I would be ready for the upcoming early mornings I was going to face. I never understood the point of doing that. Getting up early makes me miserable, why would I want to do it for any more days than absolutely necessary? Getting up early today because I have to get up early tomorrow makes about as much sense as getting a root canal today because I’m getting a root canal tomorrow.

Not that I’m getting a root canal tomorrow – I don’t have the time. I’m going to be too busy drinking energy drinks and trying to find a catering table to sleep under.

But one thing I do have time for tomorrow is getting my head cracked. Or something. Remember the vertigo I told you about a couple weeks ago? Wherein my brain felt like it was swimming in my head? Yeah, well, it’s still there. I got kicked in the head with a soccer ball twice in a soccer game awhile back and apparently that was enough to move the contents of my brain or ear or something out of whack. And the whole spinning thing is starting to get a bit old. My doctor gave me some motion sickness medicine. But since I’m not on a boat it’s not working quite as well as I’d hoped.

So apparently there is some sort of head cracking thing that can be done to fix the vertigo. My friend is a chiropractor so I asked her if she knew how to do this cracking thing - she being a certified cracker of all body parts. She said she could in fact crack me. So I went to her house, she checked my blood pressure (I have pretty much the lowest blood pressure one can have and still actually have a beating heart, I told you I was mellow), made me do the drunk walk with one foot in front of the other (I had no idea how drunk I was until I did that walk and nearly fell over), checked my feet, checked my tail bone, checked my spine and then cracked THE HELL out of my neck. Sweet Jesus that is not a comforting sound to be coming from the top of your spine.

But I’m still spinning. She said that I might have to get “adjusted” a few more times before it works. (I wonder if she can “adjust” my attitude as well – people have been telling me I need one of those for years) So basically she has to come crack me three times a week until my brain stops swimming.

That seems like a lot of work. I think I might just have someone kick me a couple more times in the head with a soccer ball. That might jar everything back into place, right? Plus it might knock me unconscious, which would give me a chance to catch up on my sleep – killing all sorts of birds with one ball.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I LOVE the "crack" that happens when you get your neck cracked at the chiropractor. In fact, I can easily get addicted to it. You could say I am a ( I know this is an obvious joke) crack addict. Since you often ask me if I am on crack, now I can ask you the same quesion, and if you say "yes, I am on crack" I will know exactly what you mean.

You didn't mention if you felt better or not? Did any of the swirling/dizzy stuff get better, worse or stay the same? We can't have you be holed up in a hospital. What will we read every day?